Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
I feel like a prisoner locked away in my room which is the only thing that protects me from the monster that's trying to get in. I must lock myself away in order to have any chance of being safe. I must quietly open my door and sneak bast the beast door and pray that he doesn't hear me.. The 4 step walk to the bathroom seems like a journey that takes an eternity..I don't turn on the light or flush the toilette in fear that he will hear be and be outside my door waiting.. While most people sleep in there pjs i sleep in my jeans and a belt because it's much harder to get off.. Little tricks of the trade I've picked up over the years... Sad i know while other kids was learning how to shoot a hoop or play a video game.. I was learning how to survive the abuse my cousin has done to me without the help and support of my "parents or family" I learned at an early age that i was alone in this household, everyone was forced to handle and deal wit there own problem on our own or do as my mom says "just get over it" For someone who was once in my shoes she should know that you can't just get over it....I'm stuck being a prisoner of my parents, of my siblings, of my cousin and worst of all of myself.. Although one day i will escape everyone else but i can never escape myself. cutting alcohol, drugs and last for a little while sooner or later i have to face my hurt crying inner child and stop hiding behind the person i created and slowly became and took over..Its about time for me to reclaim my name...
You can do it. You have amazing strength and determination. You can and will do it.
Are you still living with your family or are you experiencing flash backs?
I was trapped in that prison you describe for 20 years..I had developped tricks like you, a long night dress down my ankle, checking under the bed at night,jumping out of my body when the abuse would start, screaming in thre middle of the night.
I eventually left home.Erased everything from consciousness.
It came back violently in my 40's.I thought it would never end up.For years, I was in deep depression .It felt like drowning into a deep ocean.Since then,I have realised that healing follows a progressive pattern, step by step, the body and mind release the pain of the trauma.One gets more and more grounded in the present, abusers that are still in us leave us in the end.the doors of the prison give in.
Therapy helps,books too such as "The courage to Heal", "Trauma and Recovery".You can buy them on Amazon.
Be patient with yourself.The moment I realised I was suffering from severe trauma, I wanted to heal instantly.
Do you have medication to help you sleep?It can be of great help too.
The right opportunity will come and you will see it and take it. It may not come tonight or tomorrow, but it will come and when it does you will be ready.