Welcome blackrose. I'm so sorry you went through that - it's hard to imagine being pregnant so young and dealing with such loss. One thing that's helped me with the pain is therapy - if you do not have a therapist, I would recommend one.

I can relate on the not eating thing too. If I'm really upset, I just don't get hungry and eating feels terrible. Therapy and just taking some time to myself has helped so much - take good care of yourself, and keep posting here.

Welcome, I'm so sory. The pain must be incredible.

I do have a therapist, I just don't know if I trust her enough to tell her everything. I have a hard time trusting anyone.

Welcome blackrose. I'm truly sad you had to experience the things you and I want you to know your not alone. I was abused by my father, uncle and cousin. Pregnant by them and forced into ritual abortion, though I only have pieces of memory. I have gone through abuse later in life, been preg. at age 16 and the father beat/r#ped me near death to miscarriage. The loss is beyond anything! I understand what your talking about. :(

I can say that anniversaries are difficult and there is no one way to let go of something so painful and so horrific as you did. I do something special on those days for my unborn children to honor him/her.

I can relate to not eating as well. I also find it harder to breath on that day, but lighting a candle and trying to do something good for yourself will help you get through those hard times.

You can talk to me anytime.
Your not alone.

I decided it would have been a boy. I would have named him Kevin. Even though it happened against my will I still felt a bond to him.. Like I still want my baby. I always think about what it would be like if he lived. I'm told I would have died in childbirth.. But I wish I had him, then I would'nt have been alone all these Years... But I sometimes see a little boy in my dreams or I pretend he's there.

Good name choice for your son.lol

I would love that baby too. I would remember him just as you wish too. I dearly hope you can find peace and healing.

Laura

Kevin is a beautiful name for your son. I know what you mean sweety. If I were to have a girl, her name would be Destany and a boy Caiden. I still hold that name close to our heart, for I wanted a daughter. When you have a living being growing inside you, abuse or not ,it's hard not to think of giving you all for that baby.

Once again I'm sorry you lost so much. My baby Destany and other babies are with Kevin smiling down on us.

I forgot to mention sometimes I see Destany in my dreams too. She appears to me like an angel. Maybe Kevin is your guardian angel too.

Welcome theblackrose, I'm sorry you needed to find us but I hope you can get some of the support you need here.

I also lost a baby - my father's. When I first remembered it I thought I'd been 10, but now I think it's more likely I was 13 or 14 - but the age doesn't really matter. I don't know what Kevin brought you, but mine brought me release from my father. In getting pregnant my mum found out and after that he kept away from me. I am so thankful to that soul who came into my life for such a short time but who did more to help me than anyone else.

It's good you have a therapist. Even if you can't trust her now, do you think you might be able to in the future? It took me 3 years of seeing mine twice a week before I was able to start remembering and trusting her with the information. After 8 years now I still don't trust her with some things, but she hasn't let me down yet.

In the meantime if your brain won't let you let it go, try allowing it to be rather than fighting it. Try allowing the love that Kevin had for you and you had for him to come through. It'll be painful, but it might be less bad that the agony of fighting.

Take care. You are a wonderful person.