First of all, seek professional help. A good therapist who deals with trauma. Second, I think it is great he is willing to help you through this but understand it is not something that you can "fix" very quickly. Sometimes it takes years. I am so proud of you for being willing to take that first step.

I would like you to know that what you are feeling is very normal. I feel many of us have experienced similar feelings that you are having. Your partner sounds like a wonderful and patient person. Allow him to support you through this time. msbook is correct when she says it may take time for the healing to begin. But remembering to breathe, and saying the hurt outloud is such a blessing and excellent first step to take. Please so seek professional help, or at least a support group. I pray you find healing as you go through this time.

ahh poor baby im so sorry . im guessing you are realativly young by your profile .. it is very hard when memories come rushing bac i didnt get mine until my mid 30 s im almost 45 now and am just starting to get a handle on it im glad you are in thearpy and if you have a good thearapist he/she will help you from there .. also check on line for local support groups for incest / sexual abuse surviors in your area my public libray has one hereyou will be in my thoughts and keep coming to the daily strength

I've had flashes like that during my marriage, you have someone who is willing to be there and support you, take advantage of that. After suffering from this problem for many years I can tell you it does get better, but it isn't a quick fix...be patient, it will get better...much love.

If you were forced to do something against your will, then that is abuse! I have to tell how tired I am hearing these people who allowed the sexual contact and participated in it, saying oh how nice it was, until they found out the society says its bad. And then they became abused.

Search your soul. And if you never allowed even the smallest aspect of it to happen; never facilitated the sexual acts, and were forced complaining and yelling and screaming...then, yes, you were abused.

I was raped many times. But there were a few times in the beginning when I wanted him to touch me; excited me; arouse me to something i would later discover was orgasm. Those times I was an agreeing member of a sexual act. There were, however, later times when I was beaten and ridiculed to participate in group sexual acts that I can say "I was abused."

Liam

Hi alimac2009,

I would like to echo what several others have said before me. Having the kind of reaction you did while you're being intimate is very common. Especially if whatever activity you are engaged in at the time the memory hits you is the same act you were engaged in when you were abused. (Does that make any sense?) Since you already have a therapist, I'm going to give you a couple of other resources that might be of some help.

I don't know if you like to read, but I'm a real big believer in books. They can provide all kinds of information and answer lots of questions for you. The book I'm going to suggest is titled "Courage to Heal", by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis. The book was written for female survivors of incest, by two women. It's the best book on the subject that I've ever seen. You may be able to find this book in your local library or bookstore. If you can't find it, you can order it directly from AMAZON.COM. The cost is around $25.00.

The other two resources I'm going to give you are Twelve Step groups (like Alcoholics Anonymous) that are specifically for survivors of childhood sexual trauma. The first group is called Survivors of Incest Anonymous (S.I.A.). The group has a website if you'd like to check them out. The web address is: www.siawso.org/. The second group is called Incent Survivors Anonymous (I.S.A.). This group also has a website. Their web address is: www.lafn.org/medical/isa/home/html. Despite the similar names, these are two separate and distinct groups. One is more common on the east coast, the other on the west coast. They kind of divideup the center of the country.

When you check out these groups, be sure to look for their "Where and When" lists. These will be listings of every group that is registered with the central office of the group. The group meetings are listed by state for your convenience. You might also want to check out the telephone groups, and the online meetings. Hopefully, one of the group meetings will be convenient for you to attend on a weekly basis. These meetings will provide you with some local support as you work through your memories.