I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I don't have any helpful advice because social interactions are a struggle for me too. In fact, from my perspective, the fact that you two talk every day shows a lot more connection and intimacy than I would ever dare. Even with my own sister I am super cautious about how much weight I put on the relationship. So, hard as it is for you, I give you credit for having made a strong connection with someone!

You started out talking about asking for help, but I also think that for survivors like us, boundaries are very challenging. We tend to keep our boundaries way out there at a distance, or else we may drop them altogether. So it is a struggle. But being aware of what the issues are might help you respond to the situation as it evolves. Whatever happens, be gentle and forgiving with yourself. You didn't create these issues, they were cruelly imposed upon you. You need and deserve the space to learn and develop around this stuff.

I was made fun of for not knowing how to do something perfectly the first time, so asking a question still feels like something I ought to be ashamed to do.

...I note something. I'm absentminded. I need to be bugged. It's not that I don't care, it's that I have the attention span of a gnat. I do care, I'm just not terribly good at engaging with people consistently, unfortunately.
It's a personal failing, I know this...and I think it's sort of a defense mechanism, an unconscious one that I have to work hard to prevent from kicking in.

donnawanda, I have talked to this person for about 1 year now. She is helping me train my dog to be my service dog. The topic of the abuse came out on the night of my 14th wedding anniversary, while hubby was at work. Because I was abused in all ways, physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually, my self-esteem is in the toilet. And I think that might be part of the reason I struggle so hard with the fact that someone would want to take time out of their lives and spend it on me.

I know those feelings so well.

Have faith in your experience of her and your judgement. This friend is not the person who abused you. If she didn't enjoy your company she wouldn't be around so much, she doesn't need to be tested (I've done this before and it has almost always ended in the loss of a friendship). If you like her company, call her.

Listen to your current adult voice, not the hurt and scared child.

(Well, listen to the hurt and scared child because she needs to be heard, but her fears and understanding of the world do not have to rule your life. You do not have to do what she says.)

Breakingtheshell, I am just starting to learn about the inner child. That was totally new to me. I actually got up the courage to talk to her about it. She said that I was not a bother and that it was her honor to be there for me and support me. She has been through it and is years into her recovery. She said that she would keep telling me for as long as I needed to hear it that I am worth her time and investment. I actually feel better since I talked to her. But boy oh boy did it take GUTS to do it.

Wow, that's beautiful! Thank you for sharing.

KonaNyota, I admire your courage through all this. It's a struggle, but you're not giving up.

I can relate to your struggle, I even have fear expressing my opinion here, waiting for the "ball to drop", that I'm doing something wrong.

But I'm writing here anyway.

donnawanda, you are most welcome. I am totally new to actually sharing anything. I have always dealt with things on my own.

Hey, you did it!
It is really terrifying to be vulnerable...but I think we really need people we can be vulnerable with to heal.

It's something we need to do for each other, I think.