Incest Survivors Support Group

Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...

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dsf95 12/05/2013

Just looked at my uncle's mug shot again today. He was arrested for sexually assaulting a boy at his church; I never filed any charges against him personally for assaulting me the year after. I was ashamed and reasoned that my grandmother had just died and he was going to jail anyway. Noticed he was arrested close to his birthday and felt kind of sick.

months before he assaulted me, I was riding in his truck with him. He seemed very agitated. I looked out my window the whole time, wishing I wasn't near him. He got into a car accident. I didn't see what happened. He pleaded with the officer who came to the scene to go easy on him, he said "It's my birthday, officer."

did he hurt that boy because he thought he deserved a birthday "treat"?
I know I should not look at his mug shot anymore....

deleted_user 12/05/2013

I understand why you look at his picture...I sometimes go through phases of "stalking" one of my molesters (a non family member). Is it healthy? Who is to say. I stalk him to see how old he is getting, secretly wishing he looked miserable because he makes me miserable. I get angry if I see happy family photos. I think you looking at the photo is natural. I am glad he got caught. I hope one day I will have that same joy of knowing "J"'s past will catch up to him. As far as the family member, I think in some weird way I try to bury it. It is a different feeling, more confusing...strange. I actually put on a act when around them, pretending nothing ever happened. It was so many years ago. Everybody handles things differently. Hugs.

Dragonfly2810 12/06/2013

I agree with what savingmysoul said and feel the same way. looking at the mugshot is probably something to stop doing, yes, but understandable you are doing it. I work in the office building where my grandfather (my abuser) worked, and his photo is hanging on the wall. Sometimes I look at it and think various choice curse words and sometimes I look at it and feel fear. and sometimes love. But I am happier when I don't look at the photo and don't think about why he did what he did. I have a saying I am practicing - be joyful in the present moment. In my present, I do not live with an abuser and I do not have to spend any time with an abuser. so it is a joyful present. I hope you are in a safe place now too. Hugs to you.

pumpkinpumpkin 12/06/2013

I understand the desire to know about your abuser, so you don't miss finding out that they came to a bad end and got what they deserved.

But who knows if even the perfect retribution would heal us.

Dragonfly's advice is very powerful and I am going to practice it too:
" I have a saying I am practicing - be joyful in the present moment. In my present, I do not live with an abuser and I do not have to spend any time with an abuser." Thank you!

WalkinBuffaloMan 12/06/2013

Those unanswered questions can really play havoc with us. Sometimes we get some of the answers and it still doesn't help.

I keep a pic of my dad in a drawer and every once in a while I'll look at tit. For me, I use it as a "gauge". I focus on what emotions I'm having as I look at it and that in turn allows me to see what areas that may still need some healing.
I know you're probably also wondering if there were others too then just you and that boy. I know there were many others that my dad messed up. "Normal" people/society can quickly dismiss these questions and move on, we don't have that luxury. We're almost bound to the questions to find the answers or come to some sort of understanding. Perhaps to find a solution. Still it drive us bonkers.

deleted_user 12/06/2013

I feel sick when I see a photo of my father. I only have 1, but I haven't yet plucked up the courage to destroy it.

Each to their own. If looking at it helps you in some way then do it. Do what ever you want, but don't forget to look after yourself.

hugs

dsf95 12/06/2013

Thanks for all the replies. My uncle was only in jail for 2 years and has been free ever since. Maybe looking at the mug shot is comforting because it reminds me that he was punished. I know there were other victims, my brother and my mother to name two. This man has clouded my life, but I know I can overcome.

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