well, if you want to yell and scream, you must be in touch with your anger on SOME level. So don't give up hope - you have a bit of a connection, and more will come. Are you seeing a therapist? also, perhaps you could draw a picture to represent the anger. I did that when I was 19 - I was very repressed at the time - I did a picture of a figure looking defeated, but they had a big, closed fist on the table.

It makes sense to me. My feelings about my abuse are so deeply buried that I'm doubtful they'll ever really surface to any great extent. For much of my life I didn't even remember any of it.

That doesn't mean the feelings didn't affect me. I've never had an intimate relationship that lasted more than a few months.

I know this...if repressed feelings don't come to the surface, I doubt if there's any way to force them to come out. You have to let these things work out at their own speed, if they work out at all.

It's possible that expressing the anger, even if you can't feel it yet, could bring it to the surface. I've punched a bag at the gym and the longer I did it the more rage I was put into my punches. But my anger is never far from the surface. However, there was someone on another board who had the problem of not being able to access her anger and her technique was to act out the anger, similarly, by beating pillows, and that worked for her. It's worth a try.

Thank you so much for your comments. I loved them. I was seeing a therapist but, he left town for more money. I have to start over with someone new. I haven't found anyone else. I am in a some town so it's hard to find someone that isn't miles away.

Has anyone tried the online therapy? I have heard of SKYPE therapists where you see each other on your computer.