Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
Hello everybody
I am 61 years old today;My birthday gift to myself is my registration here as I wish to heal completely, share my strength, experience and hope with others here.
I was abused by my father from the age of 3,my uncle, my brothers,a pedocriminal and various others after.
I am French.I used to be a French school teacher;I had to retire early when I broke the denial about my past.i was 40 years old and sent to a school in a remote place in the moutains where a lot of sexual abuse was left without being revealed.Trying to help the kids reactivated the trauma.Also the school administration and the parents highly resented me for stiring the mess.I got bad marks and left in invalidity.
It was a blessing somehow;for the first time, i could devot myself to studying Buddhism and do a long retreat that i had always wanted to accomplish.
I healed trough psychotherapy.It had been a long process.One day, after one of many miscarriages , my husband in psychiatric hospital, I was crying in the street;A nice American lady got to talk to me;i invited her home and made her visit my town, Chantilly;next thing, I received a parcel from her.in it was the book "the courage to heal" and a pair of real Levis jeans for my husband;I will never be able to thank her;
i discovered in that book Survivors of incest Anonymous.
So, we opened the first group in Paris.
I was then sent to that terrible school in the mountains.
A month ago, another set of flash backs happened.That time, i really thought i was going crazy as it was so shocking.It had been buried so deep and for so long that it came in split seconds images, smell, abscence of emotions.
I searched the net and could not find anybody else with the same story.I struggled very hard to come to terms with it.
First, I recognised my mother's voice, saying"she has not had her period";Then, I saw myself on the kitchen table.There was a strong smell of ether,used to put people to sleep.i realised I had woken up when i should have been asleep.
I heard my mother say "you must press on her belly " and my father" hold her legs"I pretende i was sleeping as it was too freaky.
Now, it makes sense;All the miscarriages I had.Also, when I first fell in depressioon, The dream always said "it is because of the abortion" and i could not figure out why.
My father is dead.I had confronted him before he became Alzheimer.He had partly admitted the incest but my mother had stopped him talking.She is 84 and in total denial,it seems.
I have read and studied many books which have helped me understand the sick dynamics of incest;i realised it had been for generations in my families.There is also a Doctor who has specialised in explaining how traumatic memory works and it has helped me understand why I could not remember.
I need to know if you have also been submitted to an abortion by your family.Do you think my mother has forgotten?i tell myself;,since I was able to be in amnesia about it, maybe she is too.
Thanks for reading me.Thanks for beeing here;
I am 61 years old today;My birthday gift to myself is my registration here as I wish to heal completely, share my strength, experience and hope with others here.
I was abused by my father from the age of 3,my uncle, my brothers,a pedocriminal and various others after.
I am French.I used to be a French school teacher;I had to retire early when I broke the denial about my past.i was 40 years old and sent to a school in a remote place in the moutains where a lot of sexual abuse was left without being revealed.Trying to help the kids reactivated the trauma.Also the school administration and the parents highly resented me for stiring the mess.I got bad marks and left in invalidity.
It was a blessing somehow;for the first time, i could devot myself to studying Buddhism and do a long retreat that i had always wanted to accomplish.
I healed trough psychotherapy.It had been a long process.One day, after one of many miscarriages , my husband in psychiatric hospital, I was crying in the street;A nice American lady got to talk to me;i invited her home and made her visit my town, Chantilly;next thing, I received a parcel from her.in it was the book "the courage to heal" and a pair of real Levis jeans for my husband;I will never be able to thank her;
i discovered in that book Survivors of incest Anonymous.
So, we opened the first group in Paris.
I was then sent to that terrible school in the mountains.
A month ago, another set of flash backs happened.That time, i really thought i was going crazy as it was so shocking.It had been buried so deep and for so long that it came in split seconds images, smell, abscence of emotions.
I searched the net and could not find anybody else with the same story.I struggled very hard to come to terms with it.
First, I recognised my mother's voice, saying"she has not had her period";Then, I saw myself on the kitchen table.There was a strong smell of ether,used to put people to sleep.i realised I had woken up when i should have been asleep.
I heard my mother say "you must press on her belly " and my father" hold her legs"I pretende i was sleeping as it was too freaky.
Now, it makes sense;All the miscarriages I had.Also, when I first fell in depressioon, The dream always said "it is because of the abortion" and i could not figure out why.
My father is dead.I had confronted him before he became Alzheimer.He had partly admitted the incest but my mother had stopped him talking.She is 84 and in total denial,it seems.
I have read and studied many books which have helped me understand the sick dynamics of incest;i realised it had been for generations in my families.There is also a Doctor who has specialised in explaining how traumatic memory works and it has helped me understand why I could not remember.
I need to know if you have also been submitted to an abortion by your family.Do you think my mother has forgotten?i tell myself;,since I was able to be in amnesia about it, maybe she is too.
Thanks for reading me.Thanks for beeing here;
Sounds like you had a terribly traumatic time with a terribly invalidating mother. I'm sorry you had to go through all that :(
At least you got *some* confirmation from your father, even if only partial. I don't know how that feels...
I still have many memories buried so I can't speak to any of my own experiences. I have recovered some and it was truly traumatic - like it was happening all over again - but I've never uncovered anything such as what you're describing.
I hope your healing journey continues.
Reading your post made me think that maybe I should try to start an SIA group in Brussels (anyone living here and reading this and interested, please message me). It's been on my mind for ages but I've always felt doing something like that (setting up the group, rather than just going along) was for other more capable people, but now maybe I should just give it a go. Could you message me about how you did it?
My mother is 84 and like yours is in total denial, my father died 10 years ago (not soon enough). I haven't had any direct memories of an abortion but it is something I 'know'. I have a memory of my mum being really mad (anger was normally taboo) at me and the word abortion is attached to the memory (this was a very traumatic memory). I can remember knowing when I was in my late teens that if I got pregnant my parents wouldn't throw me out - how I knew this confused me because I didn't know what their reaction would be if I got busted for drugs or did anything else similarly unforgivable (in their eyes). Then when I was pregnant with my son I had a fierce urge to run away from the ultrasound because I was terrified that the Dr was going to harm my baby...and it goes on.
For a long while I resisted believing I'd had an abortion, but it wouldn't go or be explained away. Once I accepted it, I felt a sense of peace. I have a theory that if I feel less anxious believing something that is horrible and that I don't want to believe, than if I don't believing it, then it is probably true (I wish I knew how to put that more clearly).
Anyway if my non-memories are accurate, I was taken to a clinic for the abortion - being made to feel very much that I had done something shameful and terrible. Afterwards my mother told me I must never ever mention it to anyone or they would never want anything to do with me. NO ONE would want to know me.
The worse bit in all this is being made to feel this was all my fault, being betrayed by my mother and being told I could never go for help.
I think my mother is in genuine amnesia about it. I think she can't allow herself to remember or admit anything because then she would be forced to face her own guilt. The irony is I don't actually blame her for what she did. I hate her for it, but don't blame her. I don't think she could see another way of dealing with it. She played a role, but it was my father's doing.
So that's my abortion story and I'm happy if the real memories of it stay hidden.
It took me ages to be able to verbalise the incest and still more difficult to type emails.My father, my main abuser, was selling typewriters.just the sound triggers me;But I managed to break the spell.
Be patient to receive smileys , hugs and the rest;I have to master that art!
Big hugs to you Banshie.
I am so grateful for your posting.
I have been extremely lucky to find you on my birthday;my prayers have been answered.I was ready to stir the whole universe to find someone with this kind of flash backs.
It is very healing to me;I need to understand, to piece the puzzle back together.I have a very analytical mind.I think this is what saved me.Always searching for explanations.Like a police inquiry, I became a kind of "profiler" to find what exactly happened in that sick family of mine.
then,I needed to understand the functioning of the mind and brain,the process of traumatic amnesia and memory.
My main riddle at the moment is my mother.Ok, she is in total denial.But I also notice that she senses danger in conversation and changes subject, or manipulate me to make me feel bad or plainly lies to me.and to others about me;She has me pas for a drug addict and lunatic that should be in Psychiatric Hospital.
i also notice a definite sadistic pulsion with me to hurt me emotionally.
Yesterday, for my birthday, I got into her trap.I normally refuse phone calls and only communicate through emails.She phoned after having sent me flowers.I picked up the phone, out of compassion,I think.After some chat chat, bang, it comes, the venon starts."After all these years, you are still not well, and for nothing, hallucinations from your own sick mind;Oh, you are really, very, very sick and all I can wish you is to die on the spot;yes, die on the spot, so that you do not suffer anymore" etc...
This kind of "curses", to diewe say in french, are frequent with my mother.She is pissed off because evreybody around is dying except me.And i do not intend to.
Life is finally becoming beautiful.I have a lot of anger towards my mother.I consider that she was the one holding together the dynamics of incest.But I still love her.She is in my meditation with the rest of them all but they will not drag me down anymore in the land of darkness.
Have you been in SIA?
You have to register at theSIA world services inthe USA, ask for the starter package, find 2 other persons who have done the program and trust your higher power;Help will manifest.Start from where you are;I started with my husband and another person at the anglican church in Paris.My only experience was in ALANON.
We translated the litterature into french and hop;Here we go;
We opened a group in the South of france;oh boy.The amount of misconceptions.it was still very taboo to even mention the word incest in the press.
Then, I did a very longBuddhist retreat in the forest to give myself some strength and time to study and practice with great teachers.
When i came out, i created a beautiful place for survivors to come and have a pause.I restored a huge rectory which in ruins, belonged to the catholic Diocese;After 4 years of repair, it had become a beautiful mansion with contemplative japanese garden;i financed it by giving french language seminars to foreignrs who came from the whole world.
My brother, who in fact did not want me to own that place, refused to join me on the bank loan.Then, the church vidited the place and realising the improvement done, doubled up the price;i fought for 4 years;lost the case, won, lost again.Got expelled.lost all.
Out of the blue, found a nice little house for rent by the sea;A small paradise.I am at present writing a book combining Incest and Buddhism (what a programme!)
I might open a group inToulouse , who knows.Let us inspire one another.
Let us all transmute all that muck, blood , pain into gold.
Thankyou for sharing
You are going to be alive and kicking.
Leave the dead with the dead.Your family of birth have chosen to shut their eyes and rot.
You are young and have the inner ressources to heal.
For me golden years can wait.I am too buzy learning to play at the moment.Catching up.Discovering my creativity.
Let us all start rocking.it's about time.
Check this on yutube: Electric Guest "the head I hold". I love that tune.