Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
Im new. Not sure how to start this out but here goes..
My story. The short version. I was raped and molested by 2 of my brothers. We had been separated since we were kids. They were in fostercare. The older of the 2 was abused and taught to abuse the younger. Years later when i was 13 and our family was brought back together they both abused me. It went on until I was 18. Its been years and I have moved past a lot of the anger and pain, at least thats what I tell myself. But I cant get past the fight or flight reaction I feel at being touched.
I have been with my fiance for 13 years and I love him so much but the thought of being touched by anyone makes me so anxious and afraid it has caused so much pain in our relationship. He tries to understand and is so patient but I can see how much it hurts him. I dont know what to do. I feel so broken. The violence of what they did to me holds me back from so much. Please tell me Im not the only one. I dont want to feel like this. I know logically that i am safe and loved and he has never hurt me but I just cant hold back the pannic. Every. Time.
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Middy is off for a bit so if anyone needs a CL please just give me a shoutSending a big hug...xo
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I was sexually assaulted as a kid. I find it hard to accept that another person's actions caused me so much harm. He made bad choices and now I am paying the price. Stupid PTSD!
there is one more word that goes with the “fight or flight”.. that is “freeze” fight, flight, freeze.. these three are all ways of dealing with abuse.. and it’s no because you’re allowing it to happen, it’s you're literally scared stiff.
If a person is about to get into a car wreck, most freeze and lock their arms and legs up..
when I was getting molested, I totally froze up.. my body responded to the touching, I stood there trying to figure out what was happening... even after he was done with me, I just stood there...could not move..
you are not alone...
For years even when my wife were dating, she would put her hand on my leg, I would twitch and she would pull away.. I felt so bad.. it took a very long time to convince myself she’s not there to hurt me, even though I honestly knew that... it was that instant flashback to bad touching..
we did see a marriage counselor before we got married.. it really helped.. I’m not saying you two should, but maybe seeing a professional person maybe first you then he joins in?? Maybe doing this together might help?
I can see how much you care for him, no doubt... and he loves you in return... maybe look for outside help? Just a thought...
Remember,
You are not alone..
Notalone00
It's so great that you're reaching out and wanting relief, wanting a solution, wanting to move past it. It sounds like you have a wonderful fiance who is patient and caring. That counts for a lot.
I want to give you hope. I went to a few counselors, but what ultimately healed me and helped me feel whole and strong again was a support group at my church, led by a counselor who herself had been sexually abused, and we went through a book called Door of Hope. It was a one-year program, it changed my life. (this isn't to say that just because this helped me, that it's the only way)
I also recommend that you and your fiance go to pre-marital counseling together. If you attend church, most churches offer this, and it's hugely beneficial. Part of a healthy marriage is a healthy sexual relationship, and it sounds like you want this. It really is possible. I've been married for 37 years to a wonderful, caring man, who walked with me through this painful season of healing. I say "painful" because you must turn and face the event that you might have been trying to bury or run from, as I did. I just couldn't pretend I was OK any longer, or that I could "get over it."
I won't lie and say that there won't be scars, or that memories won't pop up. But you CAN get to the point where they don't define you. I want you to experience the freedom that comes from being healed so that you're not robbed from a lifetime of joyful, sweet connection with your future hubby.
I don't know if this will resonate with you, but God is a healer, and He is the one who healed me. He used the truth of who I am in His eyes (precious daughter, worth dying for) to heal my trauma, help me forgive my father (yes, forgiveness sets us free, and that's when my nightmares stopped), and start to grow into the woman He intended me to be.
I am praying that you will find healing and restoration, and move ahead into a beautifully blessed marriage!