So I am new on here.. I just found out about this place from a blog.
I am 18 years old, and 2 years ago I got my first piece of memory from my abuse.
Whem I was 8 years old, I was molested. By my grandfather who we were living with at the time. And I know my sister was too. I don't know how long this happened for.. I just remember it happening when I was 8, and I remember seeing it happen to my sister. I also remember telling my mom, who told my grandma. They confronted my grandpa, he denied it. They took his side, and it was never brought up again
Ever since these memories surfaced, I have been drowning in anxiety and depression. I can't function.
I told my best friend last year, and finally told my therapist last week. We are working on it, but I am struggling . If I tell, everything will fall apart. My family will shatter.
But I can't bear to see him..
I feel like I am dying. And tonight , it got to a point of me contemplating hurting myself. And I have never done that.
I don't know what to do anymore..
I have felt monitored for a long time. Fear has been a huge factor in my life since 1999. I have nothing to hide. Yet people feel the need to punish me and trick me. I have had more done to me, than I ever did to anyone else. This is the truth.
Please call me Andy. I'm dx'd with situational PTSD, beginning Feb. 2nd 2018. At that time my wife of 24 years died as I was administering CPR. The first few days and weeks were indescribable. I have no idea, looking back, how I survived. Now it's Feb. again, and it's like wave after wave of intensely tangled emotions, and near panic every morning. By afternoon I'm exhausted and...