Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
I recently discovered that my now 28 yr old son molested my daughter when she was between 4-8 yrs old. He was 16-20 at the time. She is now 16. I am devastated! We are going through therapy but it just is so horrible for me to imagine. My husband and I feel so alone. We don't have anyone to talk to about this except our immediate family and our therapist. I don't know how we could have raised a person who would do such a thing. We also have another son that we suspect he did something to as well but he has shut down and says he can't remember anything. Our oldest son has a baby girl now and I am scared that he will do something to her. His wife doesn't believe it so I don't know if she will watch for something happening to the baby. They are moving 600 miles away next month. I feel like my family is destroyed. My daughter seems to be the one handling it the best. I guess it's because she has lived with this for so long and we are just now finding out. Does anyone have any advice for healing? We are using the workbook "Courage to heal" in addition to therapy. Also, our daughter has told us that she is gay. I don''t know if it is because of the molestation. It just feels like my heart has a big hole in it. :(
I truly hope the family therapy helps you to work through the issues.
I am a lesbian and i came out at 15. I do think that sexual abuse may have had something to do with my sexuality-I am not sure-but I know that I am very scared of men and that fear is due to the abuse. I feel safe with women-not men. I don't know if I would have been gay even if I hadn't been abused but honestly, at this point, I don't think it matters-we are who we are.
What consequences is your son (the abuser) facing? It seems to me that he is getting off with no consequences at all-free to do it again to his own child. Is there any way that charges could be filed so at least there is a record of this if he tries to do it again? I think it is important for you daughter to see that his actions have some kind of consequences.
The best thing you can do right now is love her, give her the space she needs when she's angry, let her know she is loved deeply. You may not understand everything she is going thru or if she is acting out in anyway. But give her all the love, unconditionally. I am sure you are already.
As for the son that abused her, I would called the authorities and have them deal with all that is being disclosed. The grand daughter needs to be protected. I also understand the wifes stand on this. Not believing that her husband (your son) is capable of this all. It could be that he's groomed her well in advance of this coming out.
I was in a simular situation with my brother. He told my mom and later his wife that I would be coming up with this bizarre notion that he sexually abused me (incest) because I was a depraved lost child needing attention. and they believed him UNTIL he molested his daugther.
So please file a report and have your grand daughter protected. Lots of hugs for you and your family esp. your daughter. I am so glad she has you as parents believeing her an standing by her through all of this. Your son needs to know that this is wrong!
I am a mother as well I feel for you. As for being gay, embrace her --gays are born gay, its okay.
The best thing you can do right now is love her, give her the space she needs when she's angry, let her know she is loved deeply. You may not understand everything she is going thru or if she is acting out in anyway. But give her all the love, unconditionally. I am sure you are already.
As for the son that abused her, I would called the authorities and have them deal with all that is being disclosed. The grand daughter needs to be protected. I also understand the wifes stand on this. Not believing that her husband (your son) is capable of this all. It could be that he's groomed her well in advance of this coming out.
I was in a simular situation with my brother. He told my mom and later his wife that I would be coming up with this bizarre notion that he sexually abused me (incest) because I was a depraved lost child needing attention. and they believed him UNTIL he molested his daugther.
So please file a report and have your grand daughter protected. Lots of hugs for you and your family esp. your daughter. I am so glad she has you as parents believeing her an standing by her through all of this. Your son needs to know that this is wrong!
I am a mother as well I feel for you. As for being gay, embrace her --gays are born gay, its okay.
The best thing you can do right now is love her, give her the space she needs when she's angry, let her know she is loved deeply. You may not understand everything she is going thru or if she is acting out in anyway. But give her all the love, unconditionally. I am sure you are already.
As for the son that abused her, I would called the authorities and have them deal with all that is being disclosed. The grand daughter needs to be protected. I also understand the wifes stand on this. Not believing that her husband (your son) is capable of this all. It could be that he's groomed her well in advance of this coming out.
I was in a simular situation with my brother. He told my mom and later his wife that I would be coming up with this bizarre notion that he sexually abused me (incest) because I was a depraved lost child needing attention. and they believed him UNTIL he molested his daugther.
So please file a report and have your grand daughter protected. Lots of hugs for you and your family esp. your daughter. I am so glad she has you as parents believeing her an standing by her through all of this. Your son needs to know that this is wrong!
I am a mother as well I feel for you. As for being gay, embrace her --gays are born gay, its okay.