I am so sorry to read your story. I can't imagine what you are going through. All I can think of for the moment is that you keep a detailed diary of the things they say to you and do, and that you start to record your conversations - if you have things like this: 'My ex did tell me that next time they go to court they will get the kids to say that my fianc was molesting them, my ex went on to say that was your Mother's idea and laughed.' on tape it gives you power.

Your mother and sister you can cut out of your life, your ex-husband is harder as I assume he has parental rights. But I assume the kids live with you and they are not stupid. How you behave towards them will mean much more than what they hear their father telling them about you.

Lastly all I can say is that you are doing a fantastic job in the hardest of circumstances. I send you all the strength you need to keep going for yours and your kids' sakes.

Breakingt,

Thank you for the great advice and for the strength I really needed that. I do believe that my children see the truth but they are just confused. One day when my children grow up they will look back and think I am a saint. That the thought that keeps me from losing it, I think.

kristykt, I have the same reaction as breaking to your story. I am so sorry for what you are going through and I am sending you strength. Your kids will pay attention to how you act more than what the others say - I have lived that and can vouch for that. My kids were also treated as pawns by their father and there was a custody battle, lies were told, and he and his mother tried to alienate my father from me. In my family, no one knows in my immediate family what my grandfather did, so i don't have the denial to deal with that you do, but I can definitely relate to much of what you are saying. It has been six years since the custody battle for me. Since then I have gone to therapy for PTSD and the use of EMDR made all the difference. I see you are not able to afford therapy. Can you spend about $20 a month on supplements? There is a great supplement, 5-HTP, which is over the counter serotonin. I was not taking anything except a small dose of a beta blocker for my high blood pressure, so there were no interactions i had to worry about. 5-HTP helped me so much. It lowered my anxiety and helped me sleep. Another that helps anxiety but is more expensive is L-theanine.

How old are your kids? My older child is very intuitive and asks a lot of questions ... ultimately I have told her a small part of what happened with my grandfather to help her understand me. As for her father, she figured him out by his behavior. She has asked me for validation on what she has figured out. It has always been my policy to avoid negative talk about their father and to always be positive about him. It has been a challenge, but I have found ways to validate her intuition so she will learn to trust her instincts but also to focus on positive things that are true about her dad. My goal is to help her have compassion for her father when she identifies his flaws.

I encourage you to keep posting. You need support. Doing this alone for three years must have been exhausting. We are here for you.

I echo what the sentiments expressed above. I am so sorry you have to go through this, and so furious at the thought of your own mother and sister undermining you in this way. You are so courageous and strong to stand up for the truth and be there for your children.

If you are in the US there are various victim's assistance services around the country. I got free therapy through them because of the abuse I suffered as a child, even though I am a woman in my 50s. I was connected to them by calling the RAINN hotline number (https://ohl.rainn.org/online/), but I see there's also a website that might be able to connect you to a local organization: http://www.trynova.org/

Good luck and please keep coming back. We will support you!

I am very sorry for what you have had to overcome. I too think it is good to record conversations. I was in a domestic violence situation and we had public exchanges where he was to pull up and have my daughter go to one another's vehicle and I brought a video camera and put it on my dashboard for 5 years after my last PPO which recorded when he was late and one time when he came to my car mad. So, recordings do help. I also recorded my daughter and the camcorder recording my purse with it just cracked so my daughter did not know because when I would pick her up and she would just go into how her weekend was and what went I or sometimes she would just break down and cry because of stuff going on, I had it recorded and it showed I was not coaxing the conversation. I as well because we were spiritual prayed for her dad and did not say negative things but now her step-mom is saying negative things to her about her dad and she sees how he does things with her own eyes and knows all about how he works, but she is 14 now. Children are very good gut level judge of character, so they will be able to figure them out. You are courageous to have gotten through so much already.