Incest Survivors Support Group

Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...

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theblackrose 03/28/2012

I've been thinking about my dead son alot lately even though his due date in February has past. I'm amazed I survived past it, barely. This year was a leap year and he was to be born on a leap year... I almost lost it this year and slit my wrist on leap day. But now that's over. Even though I got raped and got pregnant because of it I still wish I had that baby. He would be 9 years old now.. In the 4th grade... He would have my eyes. He would be mine. I would protect him and keep him away from my evil family. My father would hate him, my mother wouldn't look at him. They would avoid us. We could be happy together, just me and him. He would have been all I needed. Even though he's dead, I'm still a mother. He's up there in heaven waiting for me. I want to hold him so bad. I want a baby. I've been thinking that maybe I could get pregnant again, then I'd have someone to live for. Someone to care for. But I worry that the baby wouldn't be safe.. There was this girl in the mental ward with me. She was 17 and had a baby. She had a picture and everything. Her baby was so cute and she bragged about him. I wanted to brag about my baby how he is perfect and safe and that he would have my eyes. That he would be 9 and that he would be happy. But I didn't, instead I sat there thinking, I almost wanted to cry because she had a living baby, and mine is dead... I wanted to say that I'm a mom to, it's just my baby didn't make it... It hurts. I just wish I still had my baby. My Kevin. I want him.

deleted_user 03/28/2012

So sorry for such a loss.

deleted_user 03/28/2012

Sorry for your loss too.You must have been just a baby too when you had him.Its amazing you're so mature for your age...hugs.

deleted_user 03/28/2012

Hey Im sorry as well.

theblackrose 03/28/2012

Thank you. I was only 7 when I lost him.

deleted_user 03/29/2012

Have you tried writing to him to tell him all this? It might help you if you can tell him how much he was loved and wanted and how there will always be a place in your heart for him. It's OK to cry and to miss him.

Please don't get pregnant again until you have grieved for your lost baby. You need to look after yourself first.

Wheezie 03/30/2012

TheBlackRose, you do have a reason to live and someone to care for.That someone is you. Having a child will not fill the void left by the abuses of your past.That will only be achieved by you healing.Placing that much responsibility on a child for you it parents happiness and well-being could cause major stress to this child and could cause them to be dysfunctional in other ways. I would implore you to please seek healing first before you consider bringing a child in to this world.It is hard enough to heal alone much less with the rigors of parenthood weighing on you as well.I'm so sorry for your loss.My thoughts are with you.

deleted_user 03/30/2012

So sorry for your loss honey. I too suffered this in my life several and my babies was destroyed by the abuse as well. The thing with anniversaries is that you never forget, nor would you want to forget him. I hope that you took him somewhere special in your heart on this day and celebrated him for all precious Kevin is to you. HUGS I wrote a poem for my daughter that never was... Destany. Maybe you could write something meaningful to him and frame it?

Love you and care for you now and the baby will enter your life later. Believe us, I understand as I am 36. I hold out hope that we will have the deepest desire to be a mother fulfilled. Healing and being whole is worth that.

You said something I struggle with in all my miscarriages out of abuse and it brought me to tears. It's everything I needed to hear and I was supporting you. :) That is; "I WAS a mother irregardless of the baby dying." My baby was alive in me until she traded heaven for earth and took her place 1 1/2 mo's later. Destany would be 20 now. My dad's uncles or.. baby would be 22 and the other 14. There is no greater love than this what we felt and we will get there again. Hold on ok? Years do not change it only soften over time. ((((SAFE HUGS)))))

Our thoughts are with you while you grieve.
~K and Destany's House

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