I read another post about a five year old going to the gyno and I almost flipped out.


I have all these messed up memories that keep coming back.

They started when I was 44.

Fourty fucking Four. I live my life and don't remember any of it.

Then BAM one day an image pops in my head. One of those images that can't be real.

Who would get an image of a little kid (me about 4) and that little kid's father having sex.

The last four years have been a flood of memories. WAY to many memories have come back.


It is really messed up.

I have always had difficulties in life with people and relationships. Now I understand why.

Divorced twice, addicted to alcohol and weed.

Have no friends.

Not sure if I am gay or straight.

The dad is dead but the mom is still around.

She is a bitch and it pains me to see or talk to her.

Not sure what she knew about the torture and raping.


Okay --- why I flipped out. Once upon a time - I had a foreskin. I remember it when I was little.

Then I was circumcised. I was four years old.

What four year old needs to be circumcised?

My mother stated it was because she did not keep me properly cleaned.

I call bullshit on that. From everything I have read that excuse does not hold water.

I get the feeling that during one of the many sexual abusive moments with family and friends I was damaged.

Clearly, what ever happened it hurt me enough to need an operation and removal of my foreskin.

Fuck I am pissed.

Daddy really stole everything from me. Shared me with many friends too.

My life is a shit hole.

I can barely function.

I want my foreskin back - thieving bastard.

Good thing he is dead or I would take care of it.

I am so angry and each new memory piles on more.

I understand why people going on killing sprees.

Thank you daddy. Thank you so very much.