There are many challenges for me. The hardest is handling difficult feelings. I've used drugs, alcohol, food, shopping, self harm and dissociating. It's a work in progress. Conflict is another one. That one usually I have thoughts of suicide.

Hello Suza,
I agree with you that learning how to connect with other people has been difficult. Also learning how to connect with and have a relationship with a man was a very difficult thing for me to do.
This is because my step nightmare father taught me, when he raped me when I was a child, that the way to get love from a man is to give them sex. This was the WRONG lesson. It took years for me to learn this. I did'nt find my soul mate who is genuinely a nice guy until I was 38 yesrs old and married him on my 39th birthday. My husband has proved, time and again that he is THE ONE for me. He really proved this in 2009, when my health failed and I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in August 2009.
So, for those of you who are still searching for your ideal mate I say to say no to sex when you start dating. If they continue to want to be with you over a period of time, then they must be spending time with you because they care about you.

I have a hard time connecting with people and trusting people, I am married and love my partner I feel blessed to have him, but from time to time he scares me too I get triggered so easy! The theory I have been working on is that I have had compounding PTSD. I think some research needs to be done on the effect of multiple trauma survivors, I have had so many "traumatic" events in my life that just remembering childhood could be considered a "flashback" and I have learned survival techniques that are not practical for actual success! Such as I am terrible at business and finance and I don't keep my house as clean as I want all the time and I feel like some days I just wake up trying to figure out the point of trying to stay alive rather than with the drive to survive! I need to be socialized but I'm scared of humans!

Hi Suz great post, I relate to this a lot. I feel that I was not taught about healthy relationships and how to be loved. But I also wasn't taught very basic things like how to cope with everyday life. I didn't want to go to school for a whole term age 9 and I even ran away one day. Instead of being taught how to cope with the demands of it, or getting to the bottom of the reason I didn't want to go, I was forced (literally, brute force) to go. I think this is why I've found it difficult to find a career I can manage. I also struggle to manage money.

loum50, ShyaronMom, lovesmama, and talulatalula,

First thanks from me and from other survivors who will benefit from your input.

My first reaction when I saw only four responses was a tinge of disappointment. But when I went through each post carefully this is what I discovered:

From loum50:
1) handling difficult feelings
2) dealing with conflict
3) suicide ideation

From SharonMom:
4) connecting with others
5) relationships with men
6) dating behavior
7) sex vs. love

From lovesmama:
8) connecting with others
9) trusting others
10) getting triggered
11) multiple traumas
12) business & finance
13) housekeeping
14) life purpose
15) social skills

From talulatalula:
16) healthy relationships
17) accepting love (how to be loved)
18) coping skills
19) career
20) money management

What can I say except things are not always what they appear to be!

If there are other areas of concern please let me know. I will share the writings with you as they are completed.

xx
SuzA

My case may have been a little more severe since I grew up in a cult that teach people to not be "part of the world". So I found myself at 23 knowing nothing about nothing.

My relearning was more about discovery. The thing is that to me that has been the best part of my recovery and healing. I love learning and I so enjoyed the freedom that I was certainly not afraid of learning life outside the cult.

More than romantic/sexual relations, my biggest challenge has been interpersonal relationships, especially at work. Setting certain boundaries with the immature assholes I work with has been a major challenge.

I am just now beginning to search for the bad patterns in my life to try and begin the healing and re-learning.
How to accept love is a big one for me. Trust I think is a root cause for many of the problems I face with connecting with others. How to open up and begin to trust people knowing there that they can hurt me but doing it anyway... this has been very isolating for me and ultimately lead to my recent suicide attempt. Being stubborn, as I am told I am, I was afraid to ask for help. I didnt want to appear weak. Money is also an issue, but no more than most people i think.
Something I am still trying to figure out is sex. I left my fiance (6yr overall good relationship) to have a fling with a guy I really didnt know that well. He is now a very good friend but I seem to only be attracted sexually to men that I know are unavailable for a relationship. And the man that loved me and still does very much was good to me in almost every way, I am not sexually attracted to at all. Which is going to be a huge problem since I am moving back in with him in a few weeks... (long story)
Sigh... so many things to overcome. It does seem hopeless at times

chris1976 and DarkVibez,

Thank you both for your input.

chris, your post, as a cult survivor, gives me the opportunity to plainly say what everybody already knows--no one has all the answers. I know I don't. But what I do know I want to share.

And I want to underscore that since no one has all the answers it becomes critical to our healing that we learn to trust ourselves, because THAT IS where all the answers are.

It's about taking the help we seek or are offered and checking in with ourselves to ask, "is this for me?" And it's about listening for our internal guide and not letting our fear answer.

Chris, I'm glad learning is a joy for you; that serves you well I('m sure. Learning also brings me joy. What I got from your post, and will add to the issues list is: interpersonal relationships and boundary setting. Thank you for these.

DarkVibez I'm glad you're on to the "bad patterns" in your life. You are way ahead of me--at your age I still had no idea my behavior came from a dysfunctional place. I didn't know there was another way to be.

Without repeating the list above I will add these issues:
How to open up
Isolation
Stubbornness
Asking for help
Being vulnerable
Emotional unavailability

Again, I add my thanks to you, DarkVibez.

xx
SuzA

Probably for me is learning/relearning that I am not guilty. Also continuing to release the shame. Those are the areas I struggle with and need life skills in handling. Naturally, continuing with those healing/learning/relearning areas leads to a lot more areas.
I want to learn the life skills of handling damage.

syndrome203,

Thank you for you input. I will add handling guilt and shame to the issues list.

As far as "damage" goes I believe with all my heart that survivors are NOT damaged. We are wounded. To me, there is a psychological difference in the two words which, though subtle, impacts how I view my healing; I know that wounds heal. The word damage gives me a sense of second-rate.

Thank you so much syndrome203 for your input and for giving me the opportunity to express how I feel about the words damaged vs. wounded.

We can heal.
xx
SuzA

Wounds heal.