Incest Survivors Support Group

Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...

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deleted_user 09/18/2011

Just got home from a meeting and started thinking about something....

I think I might have an issue. LOL ok I know I have issues, but I mean an issue I've never considered before. I keep busy, super busy. I work full time, am taking 18 hours of classes, joined a service fraternity, volunteer/act for the local community theater, babysit my grand daughter and am planning a wedding. It is like every moment of my day must be busy.

If I am doing homework or watching tv, I have to have this site and several others open and go back and forth between all of them. It's like I can't keep my mind on just one thing, I have to be moving, doing, going....

Could I be avoiding something? Am I keeping myself so busy so that I won't have time to think? It has gotten worse since my grandfather (my abuser) passed. I tell myself that I'm just enjoying life and the freedom I have since my kids are grown and I got out of my abusive marriage a few years ago. But, now...I just wonder if that is true. I wonder what would happen if I took the time to just be for a bit and I wonder why the thought of that scares me.

Do any of you find yourself avoiding down time? What do you think gang?

deleted_user 09/18/2011

I kinda do that. Or was doing that. I wasn't this past week and a half because of the Mono. I was sleeping a lot, but when I'm not sleeping I feel like I have to be doing things so I don't think about certain stuff. Before the police even found out and I left my family I had like Volleyeball and Track and Honors classes and I would make excuses to stay at school or friends or stay at the library in town on facebook or read a lot. Its so I wouldn't think about it or wouldn't have to go home when I still lived there. I think maybe thats why I've been like ultra sensitive this week because I was sick and had to stay home alone a lot with nothing to do.

deleted_user 09/18/2011

Yes, all the time. I am constantly running from myself lately. To actually sit and think or let my mind flow scares the crap out of me right now. I come on this site a lot and read and read and read until my eyes are so sore I can't keep them open. If I am not in front of a person, computer or t.v. I have to hum to keep thoughts away. I don't feel strong enough yet but I am kind of interested at the same time to know what exactly I am avoiding should it be another memory or dwelling on the last memory or maybe it could be something irrelevant but I am on defence and won't know, at least for a while. Hope this makes sense and I am catching your drift.

deleted_user 09/18/2011

Possibly it is to keep yourself from the things that can creep into our thoughts-
I am impressed by your ability to do so much-
Do you mind being so busy? If not maybe it's really not an issue?
I don't think avoidance is always a negative- but given your abuser died than yes it could be you are feeling triggered and you are on auto pilot- Just take it minute to minute friend- (((hugs)))

deleted_user 09/19/2011

There's an easy way to find out. Find a quiet room with low lights, a comfortable chair and sit down. Just sit there and do nothing for say ten minutes. It may take longer but I'm guessing ten will be enough. Have a clock nearby you can keep track of the time without getting up from the chair. After about half that time, you should feel anything you've been trying to avoid. Stay the whole ten if you're not sure what you're feeling. If you're avoiding something it will probably be right there for you to notice. If you're not then you may just get racing thoughts that are of no consequence. If this happens I would say something else is going on. If it was me being that busy I know I was manic because I'm bipolar but there are other reasons too. First take a look if you're avoiding you're feelings/thoughts then go from there. Good luck.

deleted_user 09/19/2011

Some people really hate it when they get unasked for advice. I apologize if this is the case for you. Take care.

deleted_user 09/19/2011

Thanks for the replies gang :) Good to know I'm not alone .

Kevin, thanks for the advice...I think I'll give that a try. I'm not one that will not take advice unsolicited or not LOL thank you :)

It seems as if I've been at this pace for a few years now. Maybe I need to slow down and see what is really up. I appreciate you all for being here and for being a sounding board :)

deleted_user 09/19/2011

Perhaps you could be doing that, but it doesn't sound self-destructive to me on the contrary...its productive...so i would not worry about it.

deleted_user 09/20/2011

Kevin,
Well...I tried it and guess what. I fell asleep LOL

Maybe it is not something to worry about, or maybe I'm just to tired at this point to see if something is there. I've scheduled 5 whole days off and am going to a cabin in the woods with my husband in October. No computer, no classes, no cell phone... I think that time will let me know whats up.

deleted_user 09/20/2011

Well, if I was that busy I'd need a nap too. lol:)

I'm sure you'll figure it all out. Take care.

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