Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
When I was young don't remember how old I was just that I was in preschool at the time my brother a few years older than me sexually molested me. He told my mom but flipped it around that I started it and she believed him and my mom told my dad and he also believed my brother. My was physically abusive to me first before the sexual abuse and I feared him. The abuse went on for a few years until I got the courage to say no, I think I was in the 2nd or 3rd grade at the time. With that one of my much older sisters (14 yr age difference) came to live with us a little after the time when my brother first started sexually abuse me, she physically and verbally abused me. I remember just about everything that happened to me I remember being choked by my brother he lifted me off the ground, and I remember some time later my sister grabbed me by the neck of my shirt choking me and hitting my head into the wall at the same time. I have so many horrible memories that I many times wish I could forget, the sad part is that I've been made to be a black sheep of the family . I learned to isolate myself from a young age because when I tried to get a resolve of my issues no one would listen, brush it under the rug family issuer or I'm accused of lying. I want to tell my other older sister about it but their to many time when I told her about other things that were serious but not on the level of this and she would say may be you thought you heard or why didn't you do this or that, not realizing that when your that young you don't have the mental capacity to handle things the way you would as an adult.
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
Unfortunately, it is common in sick families to choose one person to be the black sheep and then assign all problems to that person, denying that there is anything wrong with anyone else or with the family as a whole. I'm afraid you got that "prize".
The one good thing about it is that you may be the one person in the family who can see the truth and begin to heal. Please feel free to share anything here and know that you will be believed and supported.
If we are going to talk about something that could bring up a lot of bad feelings in someone else who reads it, we put "TW" on the subject line. "TW" means "trigger warning." Maybe you figured that out already - it was very puzzling to me when I first came here!
You brought back a memory of an incident when I was a toddler that stayed with me for my whole life. I was playing in an empty lot two doors down from my house when an older kid I'd never seen before put a scarf around my neck and choked me with it.
I thought I was going to die, but he finally turned me loose and I never saw him again. When I told my family, they laughed at me and told me I imagined it. I couldn't understand why they wouldn't believe me. The harder I tried to convince them, the more they told me it was all my imagination.
So that was when I learned at a very young age that adults were not trustworthy, so I had to look out for myself. I guess you probably came to the same conclusion.
I became the black sheep in my family too. At least it's good to learn all these years later that dysfunctional families will do that, pick one child, often the youngest, and blame everything on him or her.
It's only now, so many years later, that I'm learning that there was nothing really bad or defective about me...it was all a great big lie. I've been living my whole life trying to prove myself because I was told I'm inferior to everyone else. I still can't shake that belief.
My brother hit me a lot, so did the kids at school. I spent a lot of years of my childhood angry, resentful, hurt and betrayed. it did things to my psyche, made me feel left out and on the edge all the time. The adults of that era didn't really know to look at why; and when I would blow my stack and shout at my brother they thought I was out of control, not that I was being pushed beyond reasonable limits.
Don't take it personally and don't hate the others personally - kids are kids, and kids are revolting. But I do think you need closure with your parents, at the very least! Maybe one parent at a time? Maybe your mother? Just one person accepting and seeing your point of view without criticising it would be nice, but if you're anything like me it took more than one attempt over a number of years to develop the confidence so that when they argued back and said I should have done this or that, I could say well no. No I couldn't. That was not the situation I was in. - and have them actually face that.
The last guy talking is the one who is right, as a general rule with normal people. Don't let them have the last word on what's true.
I guess I'm saying trace this to its source. Find out what happened to the brother to make him behave this way. And the sister. It's come from somewhere.
But I believe you and what I did was surround myself with different people, people who believe in me and I slowly pushed my family away as having that toxic atmosphere of non belief around me made me ill and left me with such low self esteem.
I would say to you, come to this group often and speak your truths and you will be heard. Your sister is in denial your family are in denial.
I believe you you've been through hell. I believe you need support.
NAASCA stands for National Association of Adult Survivors of Child Abuse. And we support the prevention, intervention and healing recovery of any adult who was abused as a child be it sexually physically, mentally or neglected. WE have a list of contact number for you to call if you feel you need more support and advice. We also run a radio program that goes out each night except Saturdays where prevention, intervention and recovery is discussed at length
with survivors and professional in the field.
I listen when I am awake as it is broadcast at 8pm Eastern time and 1am UK time where I live. The Panel members are all great friends and have so much experience you feel a family member right from the start.
So if you want to listen in or explore the NAASCA website feel free to do so. www.NAASCA.org
Also I would be happy to become a friend here on DS and help you through the mine field which is recovery.
It took me a long time to get out of my family. I was 36 years old before I realized how the problem just might not be me. The abusers both blamed me BIG TIME and got away with doing so. My biggest fears came true.
You really arne't alone. Thanks for sharing part of your story. I needed to be reminded that I am not the only one who has survived incest and scapegoating.
I remember when him and I where in Sunday school, he was in a class with the older kids and me with the younger kids. One of the boys in his class would look at him with disgust for along time I didn't know why until one day the boy came to me and said your brother is sick he likes you in a way that a boy likes a girl friend. I remember feeling like why can't my parents come into the light and see the truth and stop treating me like I'm crazy. Now that I'm older I think in some weird way they were trying to protect my brother but forgot about me at the same time.
My mom and I aren't close she was verbally abusive and treated me like a burden. What really pissed me off with her is that she would put me down behind close doors but when in front of her friend, my friends in public she would try to act like she's my best friend. I would look at her with a grimace and I would be told I'm being rude by others. If she had a issue with my brother or father she would take it out on me verbally, confront her about it and get a bullshit excuse or woe is me anything to avoid dealing with the problem and coming to a resolution.
Another issue is that both my parents have selective hearing and when it comes to me speaking about most things it goes in one ear and out the other or they just hear what they want to hear.