Incest Survivors Support Group

Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...

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loum50 01/14/2012

I've done a lot of work at trying to recover memories both good and bad. Also trying to remember positive male role models I had as a child. Most of my good memories are not when I was home. Those memories are much more detailed than the memories at home even at four years old. There were some good memories at home, but even the good ones seem more like a dream than a memory. The memories other than home are mostly vivid and real. As far as positive male role models before junior high I can remember 3 well. 2 were at the YMCA and 1 I knew from a summer program at the town park. It makes me both sad and angry I can't have many good memories at home. Also that I can't look up to my father as a role model. As a child I loved my parents and I wanted them to love me. Instead I was terrified of my father and not protected by my mother. They acted so wonderful when we were visiting relatives. That part makes me more angry than sad. We talk so much about the bad memories, but I think the good memories that we have create the terrible conflict that goes on inside us. Does anyone else feel this way?

deleted_user 01/14/2012

We are often told we should list the things we are grateful for, as if we should forget the things that were bad. But I recently read something that I think is a really good idea. It was to make a list of things that we are grateful for, and to thank God (or life or fate or whatever) for them, but also to make a list of those things that we are angry about having received and to curse God (or life or fate or whatever) for them.

I think it is the good things that happened to us, the good people we do meet that make all the rest bearable and I think we need to make room in our lives for both of the good and the bad.

My father was a great cook - through him I learned a great deal in this area. I am grateful for that, and he promoted education and learning, this is also good; but it doesn't cancel out the bad he did to me. For 40 years I was in denial of the abuse and painted him all good, when I started remembering I wanted to paint him all bad, but the truth is more complicated than that. No one is all good or all bad, but there's something in me that says if I make any allowance that there was something good about him, it denies all the bad.

So yes - I also have this conflict, but the conflict is caused by my inability to accept the truth that he was a complicated character neither all good or all bad.

bluedragon41 01/17/2012

During this recent round of decanting memories...I de-repressed something I had to forget...how profoundly I loved my mom and dad. I loved my mom so very much, and she abused me physically and emotionally. I loved my dad so incredibly...and he hit me, and used me for s*x.

The part of me that could love that profoundly was split off when I was shattered inside by his actions. I have been a broken thing ever since.
I am trying to reattach that part of me.

I imagine a pool of tears inside myself, and I am in the process of draining it.

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