Incest Survivors Support Group

Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...

917 Members
4,738 Posts
0 Online
Personal Challenges
/ Incest Survivors Support Group

It's driving me insane.

loum50
loum50
Oh, I forgot that you have to be sane to be driven insane. I feel I need to know what if anything happened in my bed when I was little. I can't let it go. Since my therapist guided me back to my bedroom when I was young it has brought it all to the front. Up until about 20 years ago I used to wake up screaming almost every night at 2 AM. Then I would wake up in terror at 2 AM up until about a year ago. Now I take medication for the PTSD and I don't usually wake up at 2 AM. I've had flashbacks of my father's face in front of me and on one occasion I hit my wife thinking it was my father. When my therapist brought me back there it was very vivid but nothing traumatic. After that session I've had a month of being unstable, hurting myself with strong thoughts of suicide. I'm OK now.

I know my father did a lot of other abuse to me of all kinds, but I just can't remember what happened in my bedroom. I've had almost unbearable anxiety about going to bed for as long as I can remember.

I just can't stand not knowing.
WalkinBuffaloMan
WalkinBuffaloMan
Just try and be patient and keep going to therapy. Those memories seem to rise at there own pace. I've been were you are now and yes that unknown can drive you batty. I'll be honest with you, they say knowing is half the battle, but I've learned knowing can become the battle. I hope the therapist has taught you grounding techniques and if not, ask them too and there also many online. Just keep moving forward, it does get better and some day you'll thank yourself. I have. If your sleeping issues continue, you may want to sleep somewhere else until they pass. I have woken up while finding myself strangling every woman I've been with, even friends while camping and even my dogs, so now I have my own room. Keep posting if this get rough, we're all here to help as well as receive it, Blaine
bluedragon41
bluedragon41
You already have body memories, and that waking up screaming's pretty evocative...
If you really need that film clip, go for it, but please don't push yourself over the edge of what you can take, ok?
Be careful, you are cared for here.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I remember asking myself all too often "With the terrible things I remember, what was so terrible that I can't?!"
Sometimes memories can be recovered, other times all you can do is try to deal with waht you are feeling/experiencing and wait.
Right now: I'd listen to WalkingBuffaloMan. Learning to ground can be an amazing tool.
I grew up with a religous relative who figured grounding was somehow witchraft, but.. really it's taking the time to center, collect and calm yourself. It helps a lot when trying ot process things.
The memories are there, but.. it's going to take a while for it to all come together. The hard part is not stressing yourself trying to guess what happened while still protecting yourself from all of it hitting at once.
We lose conscious memory to help us cope with things. As we become more able to handle it memory comes back over time.
As you process stay in touch with your therapist and remember, you have people here who will support you too.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't know about the film thing. My friends rented a movie to watch. The Call. Don't get me wrong it was a great movie and I was never kidnapped or anything. But I felt her loss of control. I was watching her trapped in that car and remembering having no place to go but home at night and wanting to be anywhere but there. I remember debating which would be worse. Getting whooped for not coming home one night and just sleeping in the car or something? It bothered me and I sat with my stomach in knots watching the movie and not saying anything or walking out. I am way more selective about what I watch now. Im very careful. I want want to have those reactions in front of friends again. I want to be able to just click it off.