Best day of myl life was the day my Grandfather died. Unfortuntly he lived until I was in my twentys. But I got lucky as he was dying my Uncle made us all give himhugs and kisses saying goodbye (no one new about abuse until he dies) I went up to made it look like I was kissing him instead in his ear die you fucking bastard. So glad that I got to say that to him. I am glad.

this is very sad and very profound. I am so sorry for all the pain in your life.

I have often wondered how I will feel when my abuser, my Father dies. Then I realized I would be sad but not for the reasons people might think. I would be sad for the Father I never had for my "Father" died the first time he abused me. Take your secrets to the grave and rot.

They are demons... vampires who figure they can acquire more life by syphoning off the innocent and vulnerable.

It doesn't work that way.

I pine for a real dad.
Something my father was never able to be.
I didn't tell my brother about the abuse for precisely that reason.

I wanted my brother to have a chance to HAVE a dad, if that makes sense. My brother's 10 years younger than I.

Dad never physically or sexually abused him...but wasn't able to be a father to his son either.

It's as if my dad blights everything he touches.

I'll actually be sad when my dad dies. But that's only because he stopped doing those things and has shown true remorse for what he did... I will never trust him again but I still care for him and just hope he keeps fighting the demons. I didn't cry when my grandfather died or go to his funeral... He was never remorseful... He thought it was a joke... He was even joking about the Catholic Priests molesting little boys in his last days at the nursing home so some of my cousins. I also didn't cry or go to my uncle's funeral. He accidentally killed himself by taking Xanax while drinking and then passed out in his garage with his truck running... My mother was angry with me for saying "good riddance"... I figured the longer he was alive the more children would suffer... My mother always believes blood is thicker than water. I strongly disagree. As far as I'm concerned all humans are related and perfect strangers have taught me more about love than anyone in my immediate family....

Jimbobaronio,

I've said now for a long time that the best gift my father ever gave me was his death.

It was only then that the memories of abuse returned.

I'm sorry for what you endured. That is sad. It is understandable to feel as you do. Personally I do not think being glad at our abusers deaths is wrong or misplaced.

One of my abusers died, ( My cousin) I remember how upset I was at the wake/funeral. I went to all the wake services and the actual burial.Why? Why would I subject myself to listening to the eulogy of such a "wonderful" guy?

Hmmm- well I went up to pay my "repects" and leaned over him and whispered in is ear.."I hope you rot in hell". I sat down and such peace washed over me. For me- it was done with the torment I felt about the abuse. Now, If my brother would die and I could "pay" my last respects....That may lead me to more peace. Maybe then the night terrors would end.

The man who started my life of abuse - I don't know where he is. I heard he died. I may never get complete peace but for me one down one to go...I can't or won't feel sad about that. That is ok.

Sad that any one of us has suffered - Sad that you have lost your innocence. Sad that you are sad to be glad. This probably wasn't easy to share - I hope you find peace.

when he dies I think I will trulty for the first time ever feel safe

One abuser was my brother. He was very remorseful and I did forgive him. I am glad I did as he died. I do still love and miss him. Call me sick or whatever. I am who I am.

This post has really stuck with me. the more i have thought about it them more I can relate to it.

A few years back i came home from Colorado to heal and part of the healing was to confront my abuser of many years. Unfortunately, he had died a few years before. I remember how angry i was when his wife told me his very last words from his mouth was "Tell rich all is forgiven" I was shocked and enraged that he got one last shot at messing with my head before he died. And i had had no contact in years with him.

When i was standing over his grave i toowas sad. not sure if it was for myself or him. But it really brought home how sick these people are. I was the victim and in his sick mind - he was forgiving me for taking my life back. Pretty sick.

ricch

I am so sorry for the pain. I can sure relate. My Mom died and I am glad but yet sad --
sending peace your way and courage.