Hi Torijayne. I read your journal. I'm so sorry those things happened to you, but as hard as it is, it's great that you're remembering what happened and things are falling into place in your mind. It's also a wonderful, beautiful thing that you have been able to communicate with your inner child the way you have. I think if you will be a little bit patient things will continue to clarify.

I don't have personal experience with recovering memories. I have only repressed memories. I have heard of "screen memories". Screen memories are when you remember something LESS upsetting than the truth - like remembering a teacher when it was really your uncle or something. I've read about that in books but never heard anybody say it happened to them. In my time on this site, I have never seen anybody say that their memories turned out to be false or mistaken.

Thank you, this helps so much. I have heard of screen memories before, but it's not something I had thought of applying to me personally. And you're right, I do need to rest and take time and not rush myself. I know it will take time. This whole process so far has already taken several years.

My memories only came out when I retired from a busy life due to illness. Living quietly without social interaction seems to have set me more at ease...I've heard that somehow when we feel safer the memories are more likely to surface.

I was like you and Donna...only suspicions and rumors in the family about incestuous incidents. Then one day I recovered a very clear memory from when I was eight...and along with the memory of that incident with my sister...there was also a memory of how I felt about her...that this was something I had been doing for a long time...fending her off.

Since then more has come up...but always with a lot of guilt. I was taught to blame myself for anything that was not right in my life. But when I was eight, my sister would have been eighteen...so this was in the area of criminality on her part.

Then I remembered all the grooming...giving me very dark horror comics that would be shocking even today...taking me to movies I wasn't allowed to see as a child. Then when I told her I was remembering things from my childhood...this was about innocuous memories, I never accused her of anything...she told everyone in the family that I was psychotic and prone to wild fantasies.

So I knew this was real. But still it's hard for me to admit it...and I keep wanting to deny it. I've never told anyone about this except here on this website under anonymity. Now I remember Dad rolling his eyes when he talked about how "close" I was to my sister. I didn't understand what was going on then, but he must have known something.

So I would advise being patient. The memories come when you're ready to deal with them.

Hi, and welcome. I'm so glad you've got a counselor to help you with this painful and difficult journey. I had repressed memories surface about 22 years ago, when I was in my 30's. I'd always remembered some of the sexual abuse by my grandfather, from about age 6. the repressed memories were from younger, and included sadistic and sexual abuse. I was extremely disturbed and in a psych hospital while all this was coming up - which is what told me it must be memory. However, I don't take all what came up as accurate, I can't be sure. My therapist agreed that I can be sure severe abuse happened, just not the details. As for who - I did (back then) get a clear image of my father being involved - which leaves me wondering if he did or didn't abuse me.
Other than that, it's been a very healing thing for the memories to surface - receiving loads of support and receiving loads of compassion and good guidance. I also learnt to love the little traumatised one unconditionally.
These days, 22 years later, I am in a good place and feel more well that I have my whole life. Hang in there.