Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
Hi, I had a breakthrough yesterday, and I just wanted to share it. The day before, I'd been triggered into distress over the abuse as a 2 year old. It was sadistic abuse, but there was also sexual abuse around maybe that age or 3 or 4.
Anyway, I was in acute distress, and went to group therapy at a hospital. I told the therapist what was going on, and she was kind but left me to 'sit with it.' Well, I sat with it alright, I felt way too vulnerable and raw and exposed. And crushed.
We went to lunch, where I was feeling invaded by others, and attacked by loud noises. I call it the 'raw nerve' state. Just want to get away.
So, I went somewhere peaceful and private, and closed my eyes. I imagined the 2 year old, and I put her to bed in a magic room where no bad people can come.
I had her freshly washed, in pyjamas, in a big comfy bed. It had a patchwork quilt that grandma had sewed. My cats were there, to comfort the little one. There were lovely windows, and it was night - the wind was blowing through the trees which is a sound I love.
I had a little night light on in the room, and a lovely little rug on the floor.
I'm on the bed, on top of the quilt, lying next to the little one. I stroke her forehead and kiss her cheek. I tell her she's beautiful and innocent. I tell her she's safe now...safe now...safe.
I feel my love for her. I tell her that i'm stronger than the pain, stronger than the disturbance. Say this a few more times, it really clicks into place.
I keep imagining this scene for maybe 20 minutes, and it totally calms me and comforts me! It worked! I felt peaceful, still vulnerable but not full of discomfort anymore, not needy anymore.
I was delighted with this, that I can take care of myself. I can re parent myself. I can soothe myself.
I'm grateful, for having learnt inner child work in the 90's. is it still around? Does anyone else have some stories about this work?
It's the next day now, and I still feel comforted. And I can go back to my imagination any time.
Anyway, I was in acute distress, and went to group therapy at a hospital. I told the therapist what was going on, and she was kind but left me to 'sit with it.' Well, I sat with it alright, I felt way too vulnerable and raw and exposed. And crushed.
We went to lunch, where I was feeling invaded by others, and attacked by loud noises. I call it the 'raw nerve' state. Just want to get away.
So, I went somewhere peaceful and private, and closed my eyes. I imagined the 2 year old, and I put her to bed in a magic room where no bad people can come.
I had her freshly washed, in pyjamas, in a big comfy bed. It had a patchwork quilt that grandma had sewed. My cats were there, to comfort the little one. There were lovely windows, and it was night - the wind was blowing through the trees which is a sound I love.
I had a little night light on in the room, and a lovely little rug on the floor.
I'm on the bed, on top of the quilt, lying next to the little one. I stroke her forehead and kiss her cheek. I tell her she's beautiful and innocent. I tell her she's safe now...safe now...safe.
I feel my love for her. I tell her that i'm stronger than the pain, stronger than the disturbance. Say this a few more times, it really clicks into place.
I keep imagining this scene for maybe 20 minutes, and it totally calms me and comforts me! It worked! I felt peaceful, still vulnerable but not full of discomfort anymore, not needy anymore.
I was delighted with this, that I can take care of myself. I can re parent myself. I can soothe myself.
I'm grateful, for having learnt inner child work in the 90's. is it still around? Does anyone else have some stories about this work?
It's the next day now, and I still feel comforted. And I can go back to my imagination any time.
-
I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
-
Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
I tell myself that nobody can bother me here, nobody is going to look for me...I'm safe here. It can be very emotional for me, the feelings that I've repressed come to the surface and I feel like I'm purging myself of all the pain.
I'm really glad you've found something that helps you too. It seems to be the only thing that helps me, being in groups just makes me all wound up and defensive.
I do believe the 'child' has to feel safe before she reveals herself. I also feel she is a part of me who didn't develop properly. She loves colour, flowers, and contains some fun.
Hugs, Daisymay
I was worrying at one time that this inner-child stuff might be just our imagination at work. But then I thought to myself...it seems to help, so who cares whether or not it's a real child inside us? I'm in favor of anything that works.
I've tried doing nothing, that clearly doesn't work.
I contact my inner child by writing every day. After I write my own stuff I let her/them speak - because I think there are different ones at different ages. The only way I can do it is to promise to write whatever comes into my head, because otherwise I'm thinking, "I'm not going to write THAT." I learn a lot, release a lot, this way. I have to force myself to do it though. I have a hard time understanding this stuff and haven't wanted to deal with those feelings/realities, ever. I hope I will learn to be as compassionate and effective as you were.
About psychiatric meds - Alice Miller says they slow us down. But on the other hand, we have to function, right? And depression is a life-threatening condition. I think they may be necessary to maintain a certain "floor" below which it may be dangerous for us.
All the best. Take care, Donna and Richie, and Daisymay and DS95.
I like how your using your meds. Just enough to function and you can still feel to continue the work. Very wise....
He was stuck in the house where the Bad Things happened.
He tried to kill us by going outside in the snow, he tried to sleep in the snow so we could die and be safe.
...But his bare feet hurt. He couldn't stay outside.
So he'd sort of been stuck in that place of terror and failure and self-contempt for a long time. Like a time loop.
I could feel his fear very strongly, I was panicking...
...I made him a magic igloo, told him he never had to go back in the house, EVER... and nobody he didn't want there could come in.
The panic stopped.
He feels safe now.