Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
Last night I was really p----d off that I'm an incest survivor. I don't know when it started but it was when I was young. It seems like all my life I've awakened between 2 and 3 in the morning usually screaming, in terror or a flashback, sometimes all three. Now I take medication for the night terrors. I also take medications that make me sleep ( non addictive). Lately I've been working a lot of hours, Monday 13, yesterday 12. I get up at 5 to be at work for 8. Last night I got to bed at midnight and I was exhausted. I still woke up between 2 and 3 AM. I'm sick of it. I hate it. I don't remember any penitration, but there was other sexual abuse. So much about the 2 AM thing is sexual though. When I was very young it was dreams of snakes and out of body experiences. All the flashbacks are of my father. All my life I've had pain in my rectum with no physical reason. I have no actual memory of anything happening at that time. I am so angry and I am so sick of this. How do I work on something when I don't even know what happened?
It's good to get angry, I think, as long as it's not turned inward. You're working awful hard. Be kind to yourself. You've been through so much, Lou.
-P
What I remember is enough and knowing more may just put me in a place I don't want to go for fear I won't come back.
I know you are angry and sick of this- I know it is an awful place to be. You know you were hurt/abused in some way. For now, until you have a memory- just try to help yourself work through the feelings you are having at that moment. I used to say alright I know I was abused and I know these feelings or reactions are related. The exact details didn't matter.
Sorry - if I am babbling. I know what I am trying to say but it doesn't seem to be translating well into words.
Again- I am sorry for this pain.
Vent away. Venting is good.
love manda xxx
ps rant away- it's good for you!!!!
I often wake in the middle of the night too-sometimes I am having a heart pounding panic attack and sometimes I am all sweaty and sometimes my muscles on my hands hurt from clenching the blankets so tightly around myself-it sucks. I have a rock that my rabbi gave me that says "god" on it. I hold it when I wake up and am scared and it helps me fall back to sleep and feel safe.