Incest Survivors Support Group

Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...

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loum50 11/20/2011

I've been working on the results of what my father did to me off and on for 25 years. Right now I need to talk. The last time was when my father passed away this time my wife passed away. Now I have no excuses not to take care of myself. I have a lot of fears about doing that and have done a lot of damage to my body as a way of coping with the results of the incest. I need to stop abusing myself with food and I stopped eating meat to be healthier. I need to stop hurting myself. I don't cut anymore and haven't for many years but I still hurt myself in other ways. I am doing better. I'm very much afraid of doing some of the invasive medical treatments I need especially my teeth and I have a big problem with anesthsia (I don't know if I spelled it right). One time coming out of it I had a flashback and thought the nurse holding the oxygen mask over my face was my father abusing me and tried to fight her off. I know I've made alot of progress over the years and I don't get as depressed when I have more memories. And I stopped abusing my body in many ways. I'm afraid of next week, I'm afraid of being alone, I'm afraid of being around a lot of food and I'm afraid of being with a lot of people. I guess I'm just feeling sory for myself. And I feel so damaged. Sort I need to vent.

acaseofyou12581 11/20/2011

I'm really sorry about your wife. It's a terribly hard thing to handle. Are you in any kind of treatment?

Regarding the dentist and such, I had to go to the gynecologist recently, and this is a thing for me... when she put my feet in the stirrups, I started sobbing and panicking, but when I told her a little bit about my history, she was very kind, and she helped me through the process. Have you thought about telling your clinicians about your history and asking them to help you through the process?

loum50 11/20/2011

Yes I am seeing a therapist, but she doesn't specialize in incest survivors. She is nice and helpful, but I find myself being careful of what I say. I do tell the doctors that I don't react well to anesthesia. The last time I went to the dentist he didn't want to treat me anymore because of the reaction I had to nitrous oxide. It wasn't anything I had any control over. My body just reacted and the instruments I was hooked up to started to go crazy. The last time I had a medical procedure where I was put out. When I came out of it I had no one in the same room with me and no pain medication in me. It's been my experience that not many people who are not incest survivors can tolerate hearing about it or can understand.

acaseofyou12581 11/20/2011

I have had that experience too. People have a hard time dealing with. It's a tough thing for them as well as us.

Have you considered finding a therapist who does specialize in incest ... or at least PTSD? He or she might be better able to help you than your current therapist. If you feel like you can't talk to your therapist about it, that is a problem. You should be able to share what you are feeling and what you have experienced.

Maybe you can look for a new dentist... go into an appointment, explain your history and why this is an issue, and ask him or her if they can be understanding of it? Sometimes we have to look for the right people to be on our team.

loum50 11/21/2011

With therapists, I have tried and have had a lot of rejection or they are not wheelchair accessible. This therapist seems OK so far, it just takes me awhile to have some trust. I have had one therapist I was with for 10 years that only treated incest survivors. We both ended up moving away at the same time. She's on the was coast now and I'm on the east coast. I may try emdr I'm not sure. I have to cover some more ground in therapy before I will be ready for the dentist. I usually feel better in the morning. I seem to get more depressed at night.

deleted_user 11/21/2011

loum, what does depression feel like? How come more in the evenings for you? I get anxiety only in the evenings and for no apparent reason, at least none that I can come up with.

loum50 11/21/2011

I think they call it a-typical depression. Lately I've been up and down. Right now I'm in a kind of low level depression. I still have hope that I will feel better. Major depression feels like there is absolutely no hope of ever feeling better. It is a black hole with no light and no hope. You don't even remember ever feeling better. I've been reading a book that my therapist recommended called "Thou Shalt Not Be Aware" and what my father did to me is in there and some of the things that were done to those boys at Pen State were done to me by my father. I knew intelectually what he did was sexual abuse, but it was one of the few things he did that wasn't painful so there was always some denial at a feeling level. That denial has been destroyed and I'm feeling the reality of it.

deleted_user 11/21/2011

I'm sorry, my boys are in the same boat except it was their brother. He was also very physically abusive while babysitting or while out of sight. Monster. I get the pain aspect of it, I mean I don't know exactly what that feels like, but I can see how the two abuses could get distorted. I for one would rather the less painful as a child if that is the only thing you get to choose from kind of thing. I'm sorry if this penn state thing is triggering for you too, it has raised my hackles too.

loum50 11/21/2011

My father really was a bully. I had a period of a year and a half when I couldn't walk because I had a rare bone disease when I was 4 years old. He used to tell me that if I was in nazi Germany they would execute me because they executed criples. I vowed when I was very young that I never wanted to be anything like him. I am feeling better. I just finished listening to a mindfulness audio. I feel much more relaxed.

loum50 11/21/2011

Well I'm going to take my night meds and go to bed. One of them knocks me out for about 2 and 1/2 hours. I have so many health problems now as a result of the abuse and from me abusing my body as a way of coping. Try not to cut yourself. The consequences can be devestating. I have nerve damage and have been treated for MRSA twice. I've almost bled to death. Just from trying to deal with the emotional pain.

deleted_user 11/21/2011

Good night :)

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