I have two answers. It's important to know how old you sister was at the time. Many children have sexual play among peers - in this case it is not abuse it is just curious exploring.

However what you describe implies she had power over you somehow, you didn't feel you could say no. Also peers as children usuually do not become explicitly erotic as you describe. The third indication that it was abuse is that you are deeply troubled by the memory and know you hate your own body. You have trouble with intimacy with others now that you're older. It you want to know if the memory is troubling enough to sort out with a therapist, I can't imagine why not. You need to re-learn to love yourself and this includes you body. You need to feel safe in intimate relationships. Was it incest? Incest has to do with one very powerful person exploiting and deliberatly doing lasting harm to another family member though sex against that persons concent. And as children you are not informed enough to give concent so it's never your fault. Does that sound like what your sister did to you?

I have to say, please get therapy and work through this memory. You have to right to loving close friends and to love your body and your self. Peace dear.

Thank you StKevin,

for responding and helping me to gain perspective on this. I think it is exactly what I have been afraid to admit to for so long. I am getting therapy and will continue to get therapy. It's time to confront this because it has dominated my life and ruined my life for far too long. It is time to face it. Thanks again.

I agree with StKevin.
I also would be curious to find out where your sister learnt that from. Is this something someone was doing to her.
Thinking of you

In all honesty, I never stopped to think about what may have happened to her. I always saw her as a bully and mean. I never stopped to think about where she got this from...until now. We never talked about it. To this day, I avoid her. I haven't even begun to talk about it myself until now. I just got flooded with memories that became so overwhelming... I never told anyone until now. The shame is incredibly overwhelming. I cry every day. How long does this last?

Please forgive me if this message may sound a bit inappropriate as this is a tough area to speak on.

At different stages of our lives we gain the "curiosity" characteristic and begin to want to "explore."

We are sexual beings and it is in our nature; however, that doesn't exempt us from our behaviors.

I do not believe or feel that you were sexually abused, but maybe the victim of the "Sexual exploration process."

At those ages many of us have had some sort of encounter of curiosity and can only be defined individually from that persons motive.

As she was the (for lack of a better term) "aggressor" then yes this had to have been done to her to: know, understand, and feel what she was doing.

For you, because you had no desire or intention, I can only sympathize for your encounter and offer you the advise that you were not sexually abused, but more the center of explorations for another child's curiosity.

Although you didn't "choose" to initiate, you probably where more curious towards what behavior she was going to express on to you.

I would utter that you stay strong in the area's you know need help. Don't try to over think this area.

If this helps allow me to open up myself:
At the age of 7 or 8, me and person -X- both had some curiosity's as kids. we did on individual times see t'v the showed what sex is or what it does. so with out me and X knowing that we were going to try something. it kind of just happen.

I remember things I did with person X and they seem to have enjoyed it. I know that I enjoyed it myself because it continued a couple of times more.
On my end. I was of course curious to see what the big deal is as to what I see on T.V or hear people talking about.
So when it happen; as for anyone at any age the feeling of it was of course weird. but the behavior was not good.
Me and person X know what we did and never spoke about it or even see each othere in a different way, it's kind of as it was placed under the rug.

Now as for me, I can honestly say that because of this, I know why my libido is extremely high, and why I self pleasure myself more then anyone should. But I understand these child hood "explorations" has lead me to this sort of sexual disorder.

Now not for everyone it leads to increased this or that, for many it KILLS the sexual desire due too the trauma.

The point to all this, was I or person X the victim? I ask myself, I don't believe so; I do believe it was the biology of our brains taking it's course "puberty" so I know that I wasn't or person X wasn't abused.

All I can do is move on with my sexual libido and stop trying to understand and start trying to move forward in life and help myself.

My story is much different from yours, but as people read this, they will relate to there own.

I hope I was of some help to you.

Ref to response #5 -

Biggest crock to state she was not abused - Any unwanted sexual contact is abuse - period- a family member that abuses another in the family it becomes incestuous abuse- Anyone have a dictionary? For G-d sakes read the home page for this group and it gives you the definaition of incest- I am so done with this garbage and the ridiculous comments- Oh wait that's right "everyone" has a right to be here-

Yep and I am going to choose to yet again walk away- so hold out your arms #5 you'll get your supporters- What a sad state of affairs- absurdity at it's best-

@Pippilotta I hope you find your peace and get "real" support- Just work on yourself and don't worry about what the sister is doing or feeling- No excuse for what she did and how it made you feel- It isn't your responsibility to figure her out or the whys-

It's about you healing and that's that-

Zoloft anybody?

Infojluna, I mentioned in my first reply that the difference between peer explorations and abuse is that in the first case the two are of equal power in the situation and are both willing.

In the case of abuse one has power over the other, both are NOT willing participants. I'll also add that in abuse at least the powerless one is left scarred - A lingering sign of damage or injury. Obviously the OP has expressed in detail that she can not love her body and has great difficulty with being intimate now.

What the hell is the difference between a "Sexual exploration process" and sexual abuse if it was against your consent and have lasting scars afterwards?

We have had a million comments on this board about abuse is still abuse even if the victim responded sexually to it. It's still f**king abuse. I really think you're rationalizing something huge here. Get some therapy.

Zoloft anybody? Awww you hurt my feelings- NOT- Gee as good as that was for depression and OCD it unfortunately put me into mania- So why don't ya let me know of a better drug to deal with bs eh? How about this treatment- Full frontal lope extraction? Hmmmm your so well versed I'm sure you know what that is? Too bad immodium doesn't work for diarrhea of the mouth-

lmao go banshie go....that guys an idiot

#5...I couldn't even finish ready your BS. Go back to school and learn the difference between abuse and exploration. If this is what they're teaching in clinical psychology it's no wonder abuse survivors are not being helped. Frankly your explanation sounds to me like you're trying to justify some actions of your own at some point.

Pip...sorry for your pain. It does not sound to me as though you were in any way wanting what happened to you to go on. Although your sister may have very well have been abused herself that is not of your concern. You are in pain and she caused it to you. You are not guilty or complicit. I hope your therapist is giving you better help than #5. If not, find a new one. There seems to be too many so called therapists who buy into that crock. safe hugs for you.

Banshie and StKevin...thanks for calling #5 out on the BS. - hugs to you both.

Pippilotta,

I think we can all agree that young children engage in natural and healthy sex play/exploration. What you describe, however, does not read as mutual curiosity about sex.

IMO, it reads as sexual abuse. Natural and healthy sexual experiences do not leave one hating themselves or their body. It does not negatively impact their ability to engage in intimate relationships with another. And it does not send them to therapy.

Infojluna suggests you were the victim of the "Sexual Exploration Process" but neglects to make clear how being the victim of this process and being the victim of sexual abuse is different.

I believe that as harmless as the "Sexual Exploration Process" sounds, unless it is a mutual curiosity that falls within 'typical' childhood sexual play and exploration, then it is harmful.

"Typical childhood sexual play and exploration" **:

--occurs between children who play together regularly and know each other well

-- occurs between children of the same general age and physical size

--is spontaneous and unplanned

--is infrequent

--is voluntary (the children agree to the behavior, none of the involved children seem uncomfortable or upset)

--is easily diverted when parents tell children to stop and explain privacy rules

Your post indicates that your experience with your sister was anything but "typical."

I'm glad you're in therapy. And I hope that you realize that your childhood experience was indeed sexual abuse.

xx
SuzA
**Soure of information: The National Child Traumatic Stress Network (www.NCTSN.org)

Simply put...yes it was abuse and incest....she was 5-6 years older, had power over you and performed unwanted sexual acts on you that caused emotional distress that continues to this day...StKevin explained it exactly right.

First of all, thank you all for helping me to understand and helping to come to terms with something that has haunted me for so long. I am thankful for this group and your straight forward responses. It wasn't exploration...I do know the difference. It was abuse. It was incest....and I hate it! It hurts. It isn't just a matter of hating my body...it is more of an absolutely self-loathing. I feel like something was stolen from me...something that I never even knew I had...and something I'll never get back. It sucks that on that day my life stopped and hers kept going. I hate the power she has over me to this very day. I go between extreme sadness...like grieving...to anger and then back to absolute numbness. The numbness scares me the most...

I do go to therapy and I hope it will bring healing...but I at this point...I'm not sure. How do you get back a part of yourself that was crushed so long ago.

On the one hand, I feel bad for what may have happened to my sister...but, on the other hand...I just don't care. It was wrong what she did...it was just so wrong...