I say smash something! I would howl like a dog to get rid of some of my own anger and frustration.

I'm sick of it too. Very.

I remember before the abuse and a little bit after. I used to be able scream this shrieking, nails down the chalk board scream. So I tried it the other day and it is gone :( Must be the smoking. But the point is trying it felt so good and once I started I didn't quit for over 5 mins (with the exception of coughing here and there in between). My boys were outside and came running in asking what was wrong and by that time I had a smile on my face so they joined in. It felt sooooo good. I am not saying go and scream but aggressively getting in out felt good, even if it is smashing shit against the buildings or painting a very angry painting. Get it out of you.

I'm going to wait and take my night meds after I'm in the bedroom. I usually take them before I go to bed and they knock me out for about 2 and 1/2 hours and most nights that's all the sleep I get. I'm going to try to get some anger out by beating the bad if i can stay with it and keep it focused on my father. I hate what he did to me and the devistating results I've had to deal with all my life. I hate it so much. I hate the fact that my family thinks he was so wonderful. I hate the fact that I can't ask any of my reletives for any kind of emotional support. I hate the fact that I can't screen at the top of my lungs for fear the neighbors will call the police.

That was good. I really felt the anger and didn't turn it on myself. I feel a little better. I'm surprised, I didn't think I could stay with the anger and not turn it on myself. I quit smoking 7 years ago when I had my first amputation. I was in the hospital for almost a month and the in a fehab hospital for about another 3 months so it was a safe place to quit. I get urges, but so far I haven't started again.

In case you were serious about smashing, here's a tip:
- Go to the Goodwill or thrift shop and get a bunch of cheap glasses.
- Put each one in a different small plastic bag, like the ones you get at Target or the grocery store
- Go someplace where you can throw each bag against a wall and smash it. It will mostly stay inside the bag so you don't have to clean up much.
- Bring along another bag to put the small bags in, as as well as a small dustpan and brush in case any of it breaks out of the bags.

I did this as my recovery was moving from the denial stage to the anger stage, and it was very satisfying.... :-)

And whatever you do, keep directing the anger at your father. Too many of us survivors turn the anger inwards. Hang in there!

I'm trying to keep the anger focused where it belongs, but it is very hard. I think today is a greiving day, but maybe practicing some anger would be good. I am having urges to hurt myself and my body can't take anymore. Turning that energy outward would probably be a good idea.

So with you...sick of all it did to me and all the probs i've had to live with as a result.....sick,sick of it, every day is a struggle not to mention every night that's even worse.

I've been thinking about taking up kickboxing or just regular boxing. Some days I just want to explode and hit something...that's how sick of it I am!

The nights are definately worse. It's 1:14 AM here right now. I woke up having suicidal thoughts. I have no intention of acting on them, but those thoughts have been with me all my life. I know I was abused at night but I don't have those memories. I have other memories and I don't have any doubts about those. At night is when I get the flashbacks and I used to wake up screeming, but the memories are of out of body experiences. The flashbacks are of my fathers face in front of me and I want to kill him.

Stop surviving and start thriving! Make up your heart, mind, and soul you'll do every thing positive to overcome the abuse.

I've done it, I was there also four years ago; tired of surviving. First thing I did was forgive myself, it wasn't my fault. I was seven years old then...

You can find peace within...

me too, health probloms, way to much. i thought it was behind somewhat and now its in my face agn bc my sister just revealed that something hapened to her too. so many things are making sense to me now. but i wish all the pain, memories, suicidiality wasnt there. i wish i cld feel strong and healthy.

Me too.

Better to be a survivor, than not. Fucking stay strong. Show the fuckers that you will win. Fuck them. You have power. You just have to find it. Know it. Get it. You can do this. Be strong. Hang tight.

That's not helpful. Sounds like my father.

I get really fed up too. I find places I can shut myself in so no one else can hear and scream as loud and hard as I can from as deep within me as I can.
And when you've finished being mad for the time being, go and treat yourself.