Oh Ioum, I am so sorry. Take care of yourself. You need some comfort if you're facing this.
Stupendous amounts of hugs are coming your way.

(((((Huggles))))))
I'm sorry.

Thank you. I was between 8 and 10 years old in the boy's locker room of the YMCA.

I keep getting more of the memory like a door opened and it's all comming back. I used to space out in the showers. I always showered with my swim trunks on and waited to shower so that no one would be in there. He was waiting for me when I got out of the showers. His name was George. I'm at work right now, but I'm having trouble concentrating on work.

It is so hard to know if memories are good or bad in the healing process. I know that "getting all of the feelings out" is supposed to be healthy, but it is so hard when the painful memories hit to feel like it may actually help you heal-at least that is how it is for me. All I know is that when the pain hit you from memories, please try to remember that you are not alone and you are cared about.

Thanks, I really am in shock and a little angry, but mostly numb right now. I hope I don't slip into crisis mode when the numbness wears off. Mt therapist is on vacation and I won't see her for another 9 days. I need to do some writing. I also feel really shakey

I get that shakey feeling a lot-in check out lines at stores, when I am standing close to a man, or sometimes when I have a memory or a flashback. It is a horrible feeling and I know exactly what it feels like. Writing about it does help me, so does breathing and sometimes I just need to get under the covers and go to sleep until it passes. I hope you know some things that help make it go away for you.

I get very panicky when my therapist is out of town. She just got back after being away for 2 weeks. Again, when she is away, i usually write. I also am trying really hard to let some other people into my life-like friends. I usually don't do that and I can't say i am good at it, but it helps to have a support system for when my therapist is gone. I am still working on that one, but my therapist thinks I should try to do it so I don't feel so panic stricken when she goes away.

I hope you feel better soon!

Be kind to yourself and do something self-soothing to relax. The effects of the memories are no fun but maybe, just maybe you are prepare to handle this one now in your healing process. I wish you well.

Thanks, I did some writing. I had some blueberries and almond milk. Now I'm going to take my night meds and go to bed. It's really strange how memories come. Now I can't remember anything I did at work today. I guess abusers can sense a victim, like now I can sense an abuser. It seems really strange to me that I now remember 3 different abusers. It makes me wonder if any children are not sexually abused. I know there are other traumas I still can't remember and each time they get worse, but this one I didn't expect. It makes me wonder how bad the ones to come are. I think I'm going to go to bed and scream into my pillow and then hit it for awhile.

(((((((((loum))))))))))))) look after yourself mate, so sorry you are still going thru this...

love manda xx

Big hugs to you Loum.I feel for you.I am your age and in the middle of it too.
Unfortunately, it is part of the healing process.The most painful memories come back late, when we are ready to handle them.I find sharing on this board speeds the process and really opens the doors . We all are here for one another.It gives us our sanity back and safety so that we can remember.You are not alone, Loum.Take care of yourself.

I want to thank everyone so much. It really helps. It seems strange that I didn't remember this, because now it's as clear as when it happened.

Yes, the process of regaining one's memory is very strange.
I compare it to defreezing.Suddenly it defreezes and it is right here.
The good news is that eventually, joy gets unfrozen too and miraculously appears too from nowhere;And yet, it was always here too.
I hope you are feeling less shaky now and a bit better.
Sending you a big teddy bear to cuddle with.

I know exactly what it feels like to have a memory at work. My husband and I own a vending business and I was assaulted by a man where two of our machines are. I dissociated and suppressed the memory and completely forgot it for a year until I got into recovery. After I got into recovery I walked into this place where my machines are an in came a flood of memories of this man sexually harrassing me and attempting to rape me. I haven't been back there since and I refuse to go back until this man is arrested for what he did.

Yes abusers can sense their victims vulnerabilities.They also test at times to see if you are dissociative.They also try to lie and manipulate your memory because they know that trauma causes confusion in people. I wonder what triggered your memory Lou.

Thank you both. I have a nice big soft Teddy bear named Gemstone that I've had ever since I first started remembering 25 years ago.

What triggered the memory was I was responding to someone that had just started remembering and was very confused. Then the next day it hit me. The positive thing is I'm not in crisis. The first time I started remembering I went into clinical depression. Maybe the difference is that I've started feeling compassion for that little abused child within me. Maybe that's why he released this memory to me, because he's the one that held it. That could have been the trigger. Maybe he started to trust me. I don't feel self destructive at all either. I'm doing as well as I can considering the intensity of the memory.

Thank you again.