Don't *should* on yourself!

You're here, you've survived a lot.
It's ok to feel broken up inside. Hurts horribly, but it's ok to be right where you are. You are acceptable, lovable, and valuable, right where you are.
Hang in there. Growth spurts hurt, and this is a growing process.

I'm kind of in the same boat. I feel immature and not quite capable like others seem to be. I just go with the flow and sometimes end up in situations that aren't in my best interest.

I talked to a wise person about the feeling fragmented and she told me that all people have personas. That gave me huge relief. Perhaps I'm almost normal!

I think, when one is lost, it's a good idea to look around and see if there are any signs or markers that you can use to help.

You are an adult who as a child suffered terrible things and you are trying to find your way through the aftermath. You are a person who currently feels lost and in pain. You are many other things as well. No one is one single 'identity', we all have many sides and aspects - some we like and others we don't.

Whatever you have experienced, however you feel, you are you. Perfectly, uniquely, you.

DoneWithItNow,

It's very hard to discover who we are when we believe we "should" be other than who we are at the moment.

I had no idea who I was or what I even liked. So, starting with a very non-threatening action I began to window shop. I mean, literally window shopped to find out what kinds of things appealed to me.

Then I began to try out different art classes--I did know I was not a sports person--and then I began to explore the type of music I liked.

And as I was discovering what appealed to me or things that felt like me I was also paying attention to the feelings these things tapped. The feeling part is very important.

I also took many personality tests--the best one being The Myers-Briggs and Buckingham's, Now Discover Your Strengths (book).

Reading the results from Myers-Briggs felt like finally coming home. Actually, it felt like someone had gotten into my head and learned all my secrets.

I was grateful.

Because the lies sexual abuse teaches us, we have to first unlearn and then dig to find our true self. It is like putting a puzzle together only this time the pieces will fit.

It takes time, effort, and commitment. And you can do it.

xx
SuzA

Suza's comment reminded me of something I did a few weeks ago. I made a list of things I do that give me pleasure, and the things that do not.

If it is hard to get started, think of one thing you saw this week that you liked, and one thing you did not like, then do the same with a smell and a sound.

From this I now know I am someone who enjoys looking at flowers and hearing birds sing. I don't like city streets with no trees or plants, the smell of drains or crowded noisy places.

It may not be much, but this alone gives me some sense of identity, of who I am.

What's strange is that I got through so much of my life without realizing I was made of so many pieces. I think realizing it is the first important step towards putting them together. My therapist just asked me to list my different aspects as a step towards greater integration.

Thank You All

You are always so helpful.

Many thanks

What is fragmentation of the self in the aftermath ongoing a of severe complex trauma?
What are the parts of ourselves?
When are we disassociating/lpervaded by flashbacks?
How do we discern know accept grow?
Thanks so much. I'm confused and ashamed.
Very very very ashamed
Feeling worthless dont know how feel differrent change life