I spend a long time grieving over what I could have been. I know I have a lot of potential and could have done a lot more by now had it not happened and that's very sad for me.

I almost didn't read it because it was about incest by a parent or guardian it turns out, difficulty with recall. Mine was sibling incest and I had pretty much full recall after I was sexually assaulted in my early 20's. But boy did I need help which I didn't get until my early 30's.

It really is a very good article and thanks for posting it. Now I don't feel so unforgiving of myself that I might always need help. I constantly question myself about being on this board. ( Just leave it alone, quit picking at it.). But without it I wouldn't learn new things or be aware of the progress others are making, both which help me heal.

That's how I feel too Rotting. Sometimes I feel sad, at other times I feel really pissed off and angry that I have spent so much energy in repressing the abuse and then healing from it, rather than doing something good or enjoying myself.

Hylie - this is a fantastic article. I am usually impatient with long pieces on the screen, but with this I was sorry when it ended. Thanks so much for posting the link.

I have a different viewpoint as I don't believe that true authentic self dies as she/he embodies the soul. However it's very much like death as it's when we split off to survive and from that point forward we are no longer who we were meant to be. But it doesn't mean our true selves die we just lose contact with them.
I recently attended a healing experience that is almost beyond description. It began with a guided imagery session in which I encountered my inner child, my authentic self. The guided imagery session was followed up with a the Gestalt technique of empty chair where we (my inner child and me) communicated. What I learned was my inner child was sad, hurt and angry but what shocked and stunned me was his feeling weren't so much directed my parents and other abusers. No he was mostly saddened and pissed at me for leaving him behind and abandoning him. who were very abusive. No, he was very upset with me!! He was because I had abandoned him and never came back plus all my self destructive behaviors and self condemnations were basically a continuation of the abuse. And it's true, I did abandon him. Not consciously of course but I did somehow split off and changed to survive the abuse. It was about survival. I went on to change many other times as well (I think of it as putting on new masks pretending to be who I thought I needed to be) but at some point I had on so many masks I could no longer even remember who the real me was...basically my identity was lost and build upon a faux self...and there I've been ever since until very recently when I reconnected with my true inner self. But bottom line at its core the issue was me coming to forgive myself, not my parents or other abusers as I have done more harm to him over the years than anyone else by far. I needed to own up and take responsibility for that and come to forgive myself...btw a good way to communicate with inner child is through having a dialog with him/her through using the non dominant hand (left hand for me) I talk to him and ask question with my right hand and he responds through my left hand. I've now had rather emotional conversations with him this way and have also gained new insights. Again, the main point is healing IMO is self forgiveness, staying connected to him which means being my authentic self and doing positive re parenting of him.
No I can't get back my lost childhood or all the years I have lived coming from the faux self I'd created and I must grieve and feel that loss but moving forward I can come from my authentic self and validate my inner child feelings basically integrating him back into my life and allowing myself to feel, be open and sensitive ..be proud of my sensitivity and stop pretending to be someone I'm not. If I love him, I love myself. I've lost so much time but and grateful I have the opportunity to be more authentic every day moving forward. Just my own perspective..

Funny, starting to do inner-child work was what got my child alters talking to me. Bradshaw didn't mention having a minivan full of kids in your head...

That was an excellent article. I have to read it again - between attention deficit and emotional overload I couldn't absorb it all. But it definitely touched me in a new way.

Dave, what you write is also very powerful and interesting. I'd like to know what the program was - maybe I could do it one day?

As far as communicating with the inner child by writing with the left hand, I've tried that but I'm so slow with my left hand that my self-conscious mind has all the time in the world to run in circles before I can get anything written. How do you DO that?

very helpful. thank you for sharing

thanks for sharing .... great article! I love what she wrote about the healing process and the complexity of it with incest.