((((Hugs)))) :(

I'm sorry you feel that way. You are not alone with DS. I have thoughts like that often, but I know that's not what I want. I want to be as free of pain as possible and alive. That's why I'm working on things so hard. You are right, it is hard. ((Hugs))

Hugs........I often feel the same way.You are not alone...Although i wish you did not feel like that.

hugs again.

Sometimes it feels like you are hurting so bad it's not possible to survive it. I've been feeling the same lately. But I think... I don't know.... It's easier to just get through the moment. If you have to think about it like that, do. Just get through this minute, and then you can focus on the next minute.

It also helps to stay really in the present. Notice the floor under your feet, the feeling of your clothes on your body. Anything to remind yourself that you are here now and not with your abuser.

Just remember to breath, and take a step back. These things, pass and you are such a good person, that doing that would be a terrible waste!

You are better than that!

((SUPER CHUCK NORRIS NINJA SQUIREL HUG)) Thats one of the biggest hugs you can get.

Thanks all, especially Tyler, you always make me smile. I am trying to allow myself to feel better today. I know I have so much to look forward to, to pat myself on the back for, and to be thankful for, but it is hard to allow my self good feelings. I feel like if I feel good, something will happen and I will come crashing down and will want to cut or die. I want to have peace. I want to trust that everything will be okay. To do that I would have to trust in God and I associate trust with vulnerability and then vulnerability with betrayal. I feel like if I trust God then he will get me to a place of total trust and then pull the rug out from under me. I have been struggling with this for about 13 years and I feel like I am moving forward but at an incredibility slow rate. It seems like I need help on trusting God but my church has told me that they don't have any women I can talk to that are staff counselors. I have to make my own connections there. I don't know if I can ever speak about these issues to a layperson. I guess I should find some literature on the subject or a Christian counselor or another church or something. I am happy with my counselor and support groups but they is not a lot of talk of spriitual matters. I think that is probably the key for my depression. I am so overwhelmed in this world and I need someone stronger that I can trust and God is the only strong person in my life besides you guys and my counselor and some people at group. Thank you so much for your very kind and helpful words.

Look...I have figured out I need to enjoy those good moments for all they are worth!
Why?
Because between PTSD, Depression, allergies, asthma, sinusitis, and chronic empty wallet syndrome, I NEED those good times so I can make it through the awful ones without killing myself.
The good days come, the bad days come. Savor those good days.