Sorry you have to be subject to seeing your abuser.

I recently had to go to a cousin's funeral and my brother was there- I just stayed away and had my support with me and my cousin's that were aware of the abuse made sure we were away from each other.

I refuse to otherwise go anywhere he or my sister his supporter will be.

I can only say that if there are people there that you can find as a buffer try to focus on them - idk- it's hard so I wish you luck.

@Banshie I thank you for your response. *sigh* My abuser was also my brother :-( . I wish I could confide in family members but beyond being terrified of them not believing me (because that would likely make me explode and therefore making myself look like the crazy one!) but I have refrained because of my niece and nephew who believe their dad is this God fearing person..it's all sickening..I hope my husband is able to attend somehow..

I'm sorry- I do relate on many levels.

I told my sister when she moved back to the family home with her then almost 2 daughter. I had to and she thanked me but let him still take her out and such.

Found out about 5 years ago he abused my sister and she still let her daughter be alone with him? idk- she ran to him when my Mom died whom he treated like garbage! Messed up.

I told Mom about 6 years ago before she died suddenly and we were in a good place and she supported me.

My father died 20 years ago and I never told him- I just couldn't break his heart.

Once Mom passed I cut her family out and my sister. I have to say it was the best thing I ever did for myself. I was not bound by this false obligation to keep up appearences. It's a tough place to be in when you are carrying this for so long.

I hope your husband can help support you and that you get through. I do kno wthat I tend to have bigger issues after I have seen him. I can manage disconnecting to get me through but the aftermath is what gets me. UGH...

Take care-

That's right where I'm at Banshie :-( I lost my father almost 20 years ago..he was an amazing person..and my mom as fragile as she already is I cannot break her heart..but I agree..i feel as long as she is living I am tied to seeing him for one reason or another..This kills me..when will I be free? I can waste my whole life waiting. Meanwhile i get angry and yell at my kids..god save me..I love and live for them but living here near him brings out the worst in me..I thank you for your words and friendship

I feel what you are saying. I know that when I am overwhelmed and want to lash out for I am feeling I have no control-

I look at my life now and I see that my husband and my children are what matters and with all the hell I went through I have what he thought I never would.

He will have nothing but a core that rots with each breath he takes- he can stay married have his son but he will never KNOW real love or happiness.

I will heal with each breath and although I am 45- I am still doing better than he.Try to tell yourself that he just exsists and you are living!!

Tap into th ebest of you when you are feeling overwhelmed!