Incest Survivors Support Group

Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...

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Guilt and shame, Icky feelings I carry

eascusa
eascusa
Hi, I'm new to the group. My name is Ellen and I'm 33 years old. I have a question. All of my life I have felt guilty and shamefull. Just an underlying sick feeling. I know that I shouldn't but just knowing that it happened makes me feel gross and shamed. It's not something I can help or control inside. I know all of you know what I mean. My question is how do you get rid of it. I feel this way it in general about everything. all the time. But I think it stems from the abuse. Did anyone here go to therapy and feel better in the long run with all those yucky feelings deep inside or do you just live with it and act like a weirdo all your life? Talking about myself here only.And how do you deal being around men those times you have to when you get bad anxiety around them.Thankyou for any advise.
deleted_user
deleted_user
(((HUGS))) Welcome to the group, you'll find that people are good here and supportative. I know of a few people that are in therapy, and they are currently working on those feelings. They have all said that it takes time.

Personally speaking, it takes time. I still combat those feelings, and being in a house full of males - sometimes those feelings are very strong. i just keep telling myself that I'm safe now.

(((HUGS)))
toby1129
toby1129
There is nothing about you that is gross or shameful. I'm not saying the feelings aren't quite real, believe me I've been there. One of the things that helped me was to picture a sweet little girl I loved being treated the way I was treated. Would I find her disgusting or shameful? Absolutely not! I would treat her with great care and tenderness and reassure her she had done nothing wrong, but that there are some very bad people in the world who would hurt a small child or even a puppy. I would shower her with extra love and gentleness. For some reason that's a hard thing to do for yourself, but you are that innocent child.

I went to therapy for years and healed those feelings. For some reason it seems to hit women the worst in their 30's. That was a very bad time for me. I'm 55 now and life is so much better. Hang in there.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am fairly new to the group also. I have been in and out of therapy. The important thing is that you find a therapist who understands incest and the way it affects us. I was told by a couple of therapist that I seemed like a very well adjusted individual. Now I am back in therapy and making progress with a great therapist. I would encourage you to look into inner child therapy something like toby1129 was talking about. I am working on healing the little girl in me who wasn't loved the way she deserved to be loved.
Most of all understand you did nothing wrong and you deserve love, kindness, and all the best. Take care of you!!
iheartmzb
iheartmzb
I agree with the therapy route. I only got a therapist when i was past 40 because i had been hospitalized so i still have the yucky feelings exactly as you describe but it is getting etter as i go along. Finally after 40 years i'm getting a bit of relief.