TW

I don't know about boys. My brother showed me Playboys and some horrible magazine that was nothing but women with their legs spread and a completely insane, incongruous grin on their faces. I felt honored to be treated like "one of the boys" even though I was utterly horrified. Well I wasn't "one of the boys" after all.

My brother (at least one I know of....the other may have done it to) wouls leave pornos on my bed. He would later come to my room to ask if I had looked at them. Then he would make me look at them with him. I would try to return the magazines as soon as I found them so he wouldn't come into my room but it didn't work

My abuser did this also. Not just magazines, but 'accidently' leaving pornographic videos on the television (via the DVD player). I didn't really understand what was going on, but I think it was an attempt to make this kind of thing seem more normal.

Welcome, Steele. Sorry you had to be here, but glad to meet you. I have found fantastic support in this group and it's made a huge difference in my healing. It's been quiet lately - I think it's late summer doldrums - but I think you will find a lot of benefit in sharing here.

As a boy I was definitely groomed with pornography by my abuser.

Its tough now because I still occasionally watch it, and always feel guilt and shame when I do.

I had three older relatives show me porn, not to abuse me but because they honestly thought there was nothing wrong with it.
Just part of being a man I guess they thought.
These three never touched me or harmed me physically, but they had no idea how badly they screwed me up for life.
my older brother knew about my love for porn even at an early age and so he used porn to arouse me and entice me so he could experiment on me and work out his own desires.
It has taken me all these years to just begin to understand that I had no control over it.

My father kept a large stack of porn magazines in the bathroom . I remember looking at them as a small child. I guess it was part of the grooming process.

Yes, I saw my first porn film at 5 years old. My 13 year old brother let me watch it while he was babysitting me. It's so strange how the brain works. I never saw it as grooming. I saw it as just a mistake he made, or a character flaw - or something he needed help with.

I remember my sister giving me horror comics to read...really sexual stuff with attractive women being eaten alive by ghouls. She also took me to horror movies...this was all stuff that was forbidden by our parents. I have no idea where she ever got those comics...maybe somewhere in Manhattan.

It never occurred to me that there was anything wrong with this until many years later when I started putting all the pieces of the puzzle together. It was like this part of life was something brothers and sisters were supposed to share and parents weren't supposed to know. I was way too young to be seeing that kind of thing...she was a teen and I was probably something like six or seven.

Finally it dawned on me that she was way too interested in the beginnings of sexuality in her little brother...but that was decades later. It was then that I started remembering that it was a regular thing back then to fend off a lot of sexual aggressiveness on her part while I was very young.

I'm sure I'll never figure it all out, but some of it I do remember. It just occurred to me that she stopped being sexual towards me later on...it was only while I was a little boy that she kept coming on to me. I've heard that's typical behavior for pedophiles...they lose interest very quickly when a child gets too "old".

I thought it wasn't a big deal. But now I'm learning that it really was a very big deal.

I "missed out" on this part of incest. I was not my uncle's first choice; he did that with my brother. My uncle would mostly call me " tubby" and "blimp" but then he would constantly remark on my boobs or that I wasn't wearing a bra. One time, we played cards and he remarked that if I played the wrong one he would "rub my pussy." He made a motion with his hand. He did that once in a car. But he saved the porn for his real interest, my brother.

Another thing I've been learning...incest doesn't just appear out of nowhere in a family. It often infects the entire familial group and it often goes back through many generations.

There are a lot of signs that incest was widespread throughout my family...but little proof of course. That's the way things go with "family secrets".

It didn't matter if your male or female a human or a dog or a stick. The rape these pedophiles do is not about how atractive you are though they might have fetishes. What it comes down to is control. There power was taken from them early on and they were abused so they chose to become abusers. Showing a child porn is abuse. Often if not always used to groom the child for other things as well as terrify them because it makes them feel powerfull. Ok I'm gonna go on and on. This shot posses me off.

Freaking spell check. This s h I t piss es me off.

wow, i'm not sure what to think now. growing up i found both my uncles' porn stashes. I never thought anything of it, but now i'm wondering if they were trying to start the grooming process, especially with my one uncle a few years back, it felt like he was trying to groom me dare i say again? I say this because i have no memories. however my family is polluted with sexual abuse on both my parents sides. Wow Richie thank you for sharing what you did, it has opened my eyes, and sounds so much like my family.

I started to have memories of my dad watching porno's when I was a baby.