I hope you can find peace, Proudaunt. We love you.

Please reconsider and get to pdoc immediately. Don't let the abusers win.

proudaunt,

I remember some of the replies you posted to others who were down. Your voice gone will be a loss.

You don't have to go to court if it means to prevent it you'd rather kill yourself.

Are you taking meds for the seizures? And though I wouldn't normally suggest it, but you are obviously down under, meds may also help the non-stop flashbacks.

I know I can't save you--I wish I could--but you can save yourself. Call the suicide line and talk with someone 1800-273-8255 or 1800-784 2433.

Please come back.

xx
SuzA

I am trying to hold on but its by a very short string. I have spoken to my therapist. Which has helped me. Thanks for your support. I make no promises

You need make no promises to me, proudaunt, only to yourself that you will give yourself more time to heal.

xx
SuzA

I feel the same way you do right now, yet I know the sun will shine again for me someday. Today, it won't, but someday it will again and thats what I hold on too. How bout we hold on together, Blaine

That would be great Blaine.

Are you still with us?

I am still here trying very hard to hold on. Been talking to my therapist a lot Thanks for all your support.

I hope you can hang on till you get through this.

Hang in there proudaunt! Some threads are extremely strong -
I know this is going to sound like a guilt trip and I don't mean for it to, but I hope you consider this -
When you say you cannot think of a reason to continue, think about the repercussions of taking your life - as your avatar name is "proudaunt" I take it you have nieces/nephews you are proud of; studies have shown when a loved one commits suicide, it increases the rate of suicide in the remaining family members. Basically, you set an example saying "it's okay to take your life if you don't feel you can handle things". When a mother or father commits suicide, their children have between 25 - 50 % higher rates of suicide attempts - if both parents commit suicide it increases the chances up to (by some research) 75% that one or more of their children will attempt. But ANY family member who commits suicide raises the chances that the remaining family (especially children / pre-adolescents / teens) have an increase of suicidal attempts and/or success.
What I am saying is that if you feel you have no other reason to stay alive, do it for the remaining family members that are left with the aftermath of your choice.
In time, may you find a reason to survive for YOUR sake - but until that time, keep hanging on for those you love. I know that when I was in the darkest valleys of my life, during my late teens - early twenties, the one "vision" that kept me here was imagining the hurt in my mother and father's face as they looked down in my casket. And I am SOOO glad that it did. The darkness passed quicker than I thought it would and I have found a productive and fulfilling life since then. Does that mean I have no "bad days" - no. But it does mean that I know I have traveled through so much worse and to just hang on - it gets better. And also, I had to find the correct medication. I had tried so many different anti-depressants, so many different therapies and they did not seem to help - but in time, some pieces of ALL of the therapies stuck and I found that Effexor relieves my depression with no side effects (that I can tell anyway!).
Again, this is not a guilt trip - it's just that when the darkness surrounds us so heavily, we often focus on ourselves alone and make decisions that forget to include the ones who do love and care for us.
You are in my prayers and thoughts constantly - I am so glad you have chosen to turn to your therapist at this time - and to seek support here.
Refuse2quit

Refuse2quit it hit the right on the nail. My nieces and nephews are what are keeping me going. Just yesterday my 21 year old niece called almost in tears about a problem. It made me think what if I was not here to help her. I have my good and bad days like all of us. Lately just seem like more bad days. Thanks for the help.

Proudaunt:
You are SOOOO welcome! And these bad will be the days that allow you to gain strength - ask anyone who has been to a gym - it hurts like hell the first few times you "exercise" those muscles, but in time the hurt lessens as you gain strength; then you "add on more weight" and start again. But any trainer will tell you to rest between the exercises and that this is when you muscle starts to build. This is much the same.
I am so glad you are an aunt that your niece feels comfortable turning to you for support and consolation. I think she was sent to you for a reason - not only her needs, but also yours. And you want to be there for your loving family members, that is obvious. Odd how we get what we need when we need it, not when we want it necessarily. But your loved ones are so lucky to have you - and if that is all that keeps you here, then it is enough for now.
Find rest and peace in the fact that you are a good person who wants to help. I find that when I forget myself and reach out to others I discover so much about myself!
Hug your niece HARD the next time you see her - we were meant to be there at the time and it sounds like she needed you very much!
All my best -
Refuse2quit

Sorry for all the typos - I forget I cannot edit posts once I submit them and my fingers don't always find the right keys - plus the ADHD makes me "read" a lot of words in the post that I forget to actually write.
Hope you can get the core-sense of what I was saying.
Again - all my best!
Refuse2quit