Hello everyone:
I have been looking over some of my old college papers and thinking about Daniel Goleman's Emotional Intelligence; this book was very enlightening to me. In that vein, I want to share some of my musings about said material.
Much of the first half of the book is based on the research concerning primal instincts and the neurological structures from which these instincts come from. We have all heard that the drive to survive is the strongest impulse that all animals have, especially man- (and woman-) kind....and this impulse emanates from the most primitive brain structures, the limbic system, the amygdala specifically. It is from this area of the brain that we get the "fight or flight" response in order to survive.
When I usually think of "fight or flight" responses, I think of someone who is in imminent physical danger - say, being confronted by a lion in the bush or seeing a man with a knife approaching - do we stay and fight, or do we fly away too (hopefully) somewhere safe? That all depends on how YOU perceive your ability to protect yourself in any of these threatening situations, the weapons you have to fight or the weaknesses you perceive yourself as having.
But, what happens when we extend this to such trauma as sexual abuse and the memories that such trauma brings about. I really think that this can explain why some people are more ready to face their past than others, or perhaps ready AT THIS TIME, to face their memories. Somewhere deep in a our subconscious I believe we know when we are strong enough and thus better prepared to face that which seems able to kill us - or at least threaten to alter our lives in ways that we cannot imagine. It comes down to "are we ready to fight our past, or do we still need time to gather our strength and so we fly away from the threat".
This may also be why some parent's, siblings, close friends, etc. do not "jump right in" to assist us on our journey of memories. The fear of life-altering repercussions can directly determine whether they are ready to help us fight or chose to fly away into denial and blame. This is not an excuse, but it does explain why a loving, supportive family member / friend can suddenly seem to turn their back on some of us, perhaps at the time we need them the most in our lives.
I think the real shame lies in the fact that some people will never feel strong enough to defeat their fears and overcome the threat; they will always "fly away" for the rest of their lives, living in denial and confusion, never realizing that, if they do not face their past, they will always be looking over their shoulders out of fear that IT is gaining on them.
That, I think, is where this board comes into play - we can help stand by the side of others as they face what may be the worst enemy they ever fight - their own memories. We can give support and strength to them, letting them know they are not alone now and never will be - that we are so much more stronger due to our numbers, and that no one has to "fight their dragons" alone. And when we are feeling too weak to go on with the fight, others will provide mental triage so that we can regain our ability to fight on.
Just my thoughts on this, but I think it has some truth lying in it.
All my best -
Take care and if you feel weak, ask for backup - that is what the board really is - backup at times of overwhelming fear and despair. Just ask, for the Calvary is coming!!!
Refuse2quit