you do belong here because you are surviving. Being a survivor is a process.

I know you feel it but you are not helpless. You have been taught to be powerless, but there are things you can do. You can take evasive action, make sure you are never with him, you can report him to the police, you can go to a shelter or seek help from a rape centre.

Please do one of these things. Please do not allow him to destroy any more of your life. You are worth more than that. Much much more.

O.K. (((((((((((((huge huge))))))))))))))))))))

First of all. YOU DO belong here because some of your trauma was in the past and you are still here, in the fight, ERGO you have, until now survived.

Also, there is an ocean of experience here, you can be advised.

Now, what is being done to you is illegal. Your perpetrator/raper is a criminal and should be in jail.

The ONLY question right now - is how to realise mentally, emotionally and actually how you can make that come about.

Is there anyone in your family you can talk to?

If the answer is 'No' - we can discuss that further
OR
depending on your geographical location, there will be someone who may be able to advise you on the safest and most correct course of action.

I live in Holland, therefore I cannot advise on USA proceedures and possibilities, but there are a few here who can.

You have done a huge brave thing coming here and expressing yourself so honestly. The next step is to take some action.

We will help you all we can.

Try being in a house where your parents knows what is going on because you have told them and your forced to look your mother in the eye. My family believes the we " protect or own" so if i was to get him arrested a. everyone would testify against me, and b. i would be disowned i already had a taste of that and i almost killed myself....

Do you have any friends or allies?
Are you working - can you move out?
Is there a rape crisis or women's shelter you can go to to get help?

You need to get yourself out of this situation. You don't need to prosecute (I could never have done this and I admire the strength of those who do), but you do need to get yourself safe from any further attacks.

Your parents don't look after you, but you don't have to follow their example. You deserve better than the life you are living at the moment. You really really do, and you can't wait for someone else to come along and save you.

Please go and get some help. Nothing will change until you do.

You definitely belong here - especially since, clearly, you're getting no support at home.

I know it's scary to think about being ostracized by your family if you were to turn him in but that, in itself, is another form of abuse. Victims are always shut up in one way or another and this is just another way of shutting you up.

You don't have to be quiet anymore - you don't have to accept it. I'm not sure how old you are (sounds like possibly a minor) but if you go to a school counselor, they can help.

I haven't had family since I ran away at 11 - never looked back. I'm all the stronger for it. It's not as frightening as you may think, when you realize your family is definitely NOT "protecting their own" or they'd be protecting you!

You definitely belong here.

Keep us informed.

I'm 22 and a full time student, my family pays for my education. I fear they will stop and i will have to drop out. I have friends and allies and i'm trying to get myself out, it's just more complicated and a lot that goes with it. Plus i'm scared as all heck, i just have to figure how to move out and get my own place while keeping the peace at my house because things can turn real ugly real fast and that's what i fear

Your family are controlling you - but you should not try to control your family. Forget trying to keep the peace at home - it will exhaust you and you are not responsible for your family's reactions or behaviour. Trying to keep everyone happy will drive you mad and probably not work anyway. If you fear they will turn ugly the best place to be is somewhere you are protected and/or somewhere they don't know where. The only person you are responsible for is you.

Of course you are scared, but as long as you stay with them you will always be scared.

Is them paying for your education worth your living with them (it may be so you can get out in a better position later - but this is something only you can decide)?

You can start to take control of your own life. They don't want you to, but that is their problem.

Well since your family handles its own problems and you dont want them to kick you out of the house and stop paying for your education...I hate to say this and some people will get mad at me but...

Learn to fight. So the next time he comes at you, he will walk away with a black eye or something.

I know, thats wrong, and everyone is going to holler at me,but that is the only advice I can give you. Take some self defence classes.

I do fight, i have cut him, given him a fat lip, but its the fight that he likes and he always just keeps coming back until i get pinned and he wins and when that happens its 10 worst but i always put up a fight and win most the times but its when i think its over slip up and accidentally fall asleep when i get in the most trouble.... I am my families keeper that';'s what i've been told i'm the one that keeps my family together and if anything was to happen its my duty...

Wow that is a lot of pressure. Seriously, leave then. You can get an education witout them. You dont have to be your familys keeper, you know that! You can still get an education, it will be a bit tough, but you can do it.

I have faith in you. Oh, and good on you for giving that fucker a fat lip, and just be careful, dont end up in jail for cutting his ass either.

GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. Or start working out to become stronger. After this advice, I dont know what else to tell you. Just please be careful, though I dont know you , I care about you.

I am going to probably just say what has already been said but here goes.

YES you belong here. You belong and it isnt your fault.

The number 1 thing in order to get better and heal is to be safe. Be safe!!! You are worth it. You deserve it.

Thanks guys i always try to be careful and safe and thanks for making me feel like i belong as for the situation i need to figure how to get out of it with the least amount of damage done

I am not you but I would find a school counselor and try to find a way out. To be currently abused and for the past 10 years and having your parents use finances as a tool to control you is as disgusting as the abuse itself.

Try to find another way. You only get to live once and never should you compromise your safety or sanity because of your parents money/support. Your cousin is an animal and the familes silence and lack of concern is setting you up for a lifetime of hell.

Please do not leave this group if it is helping but please look for other ways out. I would rather be alone and sane than have a family that thinks I matter not. I am so sicjk to my stomach about this. Please, please find a way.

Keeping you in my thoughts and keeping hope that you will be free of this hell so you can heal and grow and have a productive life.

You do belong here.
And the situation you are in makes me very angry on your behalf.

If you can move out, please, please, PLEASE do it.

Thanks guys i'm trying to get a job so i can get my own place but i won't have it by the summer when he comes..I just started school counseling.. i'm tryin to find a way out