I don't even know where to begin.

Just for background, my older brother was my abuser. Started when i was really young, before grade school, ended when i was 12. When the sexual abuse stopped, physical abuse got worse. My parents sent my brother to rehab twice. He got in a car crash that left him physically disabled. The anger and manipulation that already were characteristics of my older brothers personality became stronger, and he became more open with his anger. With the car crash, people in my family used it as an excuse until it became so bad, my parents kicked him out of their house because his words scared you. He threatened to pour gasoline on me while I was sleeping, throw a match on me and lock me inside my room while I burned. Told me he couldn't wait to hear me scream because I wouldn't be able to put the fire out. That level of scary words. He was full of threats like that, and the anger in his voice made it seem like it was only a matter of time before threats became actions.

That was two years ago. My brother went to live with my grandma, he collects disability, spends the money on drugs and video games. Gives that same level of anger to my grandma on a daily basis. She's done everything she can think of to help him. My older brother won't sign any of the paperwork she's started for him to go back to school, file for bankrupcy, etc. This Easter, he got arrested for procession of pot, and two pills in his pocket-felony charges in Georgia. He bought them from a dealer, and personally I think he's lucky to not been busted for anything else. My dad decided to hire an ace attorney for my brother. Spent $15,000 on a lawyer to fight a one year minimum, 5 year max jail time if he is convicted of charges. My mother took it upon herself to tell about my abuse to my grandma, aunt, and who knows who else she told. She told them all to try to convince them not to let my brother stay with them. I had told my mother in confidence that i thought my older brother abused my younger brother too about 6 months ago. she told them all that too. Words can't describe how angry I was.

After he got up of jail, my brother exchanged promises to my grandma how he would change, etc. lasted maybe a month and the same angry behavior came back. My grandma flew him down to Florida to his mothers house (my mom is his step mom). My grandma says my older brother cannot move back in with her. So there's been talk of where he should go. They should have left him in jail. Instead my uncle wants my brother to pick a place and he will pay his rent. I am just so angry but the anger is also hurt. I just feel so betrayed and so hollow.

I don't need the financial support, but it sucks that he's being offered so much for doing literally nothing but being ungrateful, unappreciative, and will never be able to pay anyone back. He won't take care of these gifts, is probably breaking his bond by being out of state at the moment, and he just hurts me knowing that he has so much support but I feel like I have none. just knowing that my secret is out and nobody has approached me about what happened hurts. My mom didn't tell others about my abuse out of concern, but out of spite to manipulate my grandma into not helping my brother. It didnt work.I don't know how I feel about my mom or my grandma.

I don't know how I feel about my family here lately. I love them but their actions just sting me to the core.I just had a baby a three weeks ago. And I feel like that joy is being overshadowed by constant gossip about my uncle providing rent for my brother. I'm already a ball of emotions because of hormones and all this is just wearing me down during one of the happiest times of my life! It doesn't help that my fianc is very bitter about what my family is doing. Im very close with my Family and he thinks we need to distance ourselves from my family for a bit. He's angry that my family hasn't offered us the same financial support when I was pregnant, and now that we do have a baby. He thinks my family doesn't care, only needs me when it's convieient which I don't think is completely true, but it may be to an extent. I do a lot for my parents but they've done a lot for me too.

Did distancing yourself from family make you feel better or worse?