For the longest time I was convinced I was cursed to keep having these relationships.. supposed friends, family, their friends.. ex boyfriends.. it was just all the same.
Didn't seem like I could do anything to prevent it.
I found out later, they groom you, train and raise you to do exactly the things to attract them, to make them feel less guilty for using you. Because of those things, others will "Sense" that you are a victim and they will use you too.
It takes a long time to discover which triggers exactly, I still hav e a lot of them.
The most obvious thing they train you to do is drop your boundaries and your own comfort zone. They want/need you outside of it, so that you feel like you put yourself into the situation... once vulnernable,they can attack...
I learned a few red flags of abusers, and I keep refering back.

http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2008/08/28-signs-of-abuser.html

I may hve turned down a few guys who aren't because I was scared they had a few traits on the list, but.. at least I haven't dated another abuser past the first date! (not so luck with my friendships though, got to work on that)
I guess the point is.. it's easy to feel doomed,and kind of normal. The abuser wants you to feel that way so you never, ever try to escape.. but, there's hope out there.

Hi Hope :)
life seems like a spiral sometimes and that it's all down hill. But as Musical shared, I echo her response. Its like we have these certain traits they look for, (they I mean abusers) they know what to look for in a person. So that they can dominate, control, abuse and be the top person but still look like they are protecting, loving and keeping you safe, secure and loved.
We have been so use to being abused we sometimes fall so easily to these types of relationships or because we feel like its never gonna change we keep at it....hoping it will get better. But trigger warnings of potential abusers are:
pouting, getting their way, and full of lies, and especially don't care how you feel (they are first and your way second).

and the most important is to know how lovely you are, and that you are worth respecting. :) for me sometimes i disrespect myself and then I allow others to disrespect me. I sometimes don't know my own worth and put myself down. But everyday I teach myself that I am beautiful, worthy of respect, honor and all good things :)
chin up,
D

I think most of us have to consciously change our body language, first off:
http://www.bodylanguageexpert.co.uk/using-body-language-prevent-assault.html

Second thing: We ought to trust our gut. If someone makes you feel uneasy? Believe your gut feelings about them.
We're kind of used to shutting that off, because the danger was in our own family.
Yet another disservice they've rendered to us.

....Third? Tell yourself daily "I am worth respect."
Part of being worth respect is simply deciding you are worth respect and reprogramming yourself to believe it...and this also takes getting away from people who won't respect your boundaries.

I agree with the other comments, Hope. You are worth respect and you are not destined to be a victim.

check out the links and think about small things you can do in your situation to make a difference. Even though you are living where you are, no one can get in your head unless you let them. Every day tell yourself "I am loved, I am worth respect, I am beautiful." Hold those shoulders straight, lift that chin, and smile your glorious smile. you are much bigger and better than the abusers. You are a beautiful spirit and I believe in your future. Your destiny is a wondrous thing!!!

Hugs to you Hope_25. :-)

Thank you all so much for your comments and it's hard to find my worth but I will try it's just hard :-/ it's crazy how we get singled out I try not to come off a certain way.. but the scares on my upper arms tell another story.. I feel like I have to take what I can get because no normal person would want me :( I come with to much.:-/

Oh Hope :)
You do come with so much!
so much joy
so much happiness
so much love
so much laughter
so much friendship
so much interesting conversation
so much care
so much heart
so much you are! I bet I can hang out with you for days on end and just be on top of the world! We would have so much FUN and great talks you and I :)
so yes YOU come with so much joy :)
D

p.s what's a normal person anyway!?? LOL :)

Thanks Daniwho there's this guy I'm talking to and I see the signs . He questions where I'm at and doesn't like for me to go out but how do I walk away when I care for someone who cares about me?

Just because you love someone and they love you does not mean you are good for each other.

...I found that out slowly and with great pain in a decade-long marriage. Much easier for you to learn from my mistakes than make your own, right?