Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
I feel a little lost on this one...
TRIGGERS.
I'm getting back memories of what my dad did...I knew he'd had sex with me from 6-8 through left-hand/right hand technique...although it was hard to believe what my left hand wrote for a long time.
The more I remember...the more it seems I co-operated...and "enjoyed" what he did. The memory I last got back was of me being held down and having oral s*x forced on me...
Until I stopped trying to push away from him. And that makes me feel horrid, that I stopped even the token resistance...but I couldn't help it, the feelings took over.
I believe I ended up wanting the s*x, as well as the attention I got from him.
I loved him so much, and only recently remembered that I had ever felt more than wariness around him.
TRIGGERS.
I'm getting back memories of what my dad did...I knew he'd had sex with me from 6-8 through left-hand/right hand technique...although it was hard to believe what my left hand wrote for a long time.
The more I remember...the more it seems I co-operated...and "enjoyed" what he did. The memory I last got back was of me being held down and having oral s*x forced on me...
Until I stopped trying to push away from him. And that makes me feel horrid, that I stopped even the token resistance...but I couldn't help it, the feelings took over.
I believe I ended up wanting the s*x, as well as the attention I got from him.
I loved him so much, and only recently remembered that I had ever felt more than wariness around him.
Our bodies are designed to like sex and abusers are often very good at using that against their victims. They know how to make our bodies override our minds - this makes the abused believe they were complicit in, or even responsible for, the abuse.
This is very good for the abuser because he can shift some or all of his guilt on to you and you are less likely to tell anyone if you feel (partly) responsible.
You were used and manipulated, you were a child and he knew what he was doing. He made it seem like you had a choice.
You didn't. You did nothing wrong.
By the way - I think you're very brave raising this. I have only ever discussed this aspect with my therapist.