Can't say but maybe he was being "groomed' for abuse or to abuse? It's a vicious cycle. Could be he survived by being on dad's side and it helped him escape but now it's become a pattern and in some ways a comfort for him. Conditioned/programmed if you will.

Does he know of your abuse? It is a slippery slop. For me I stopped wondering about the hows and whys when it came to the family dynamics. There isn't nuch anyone could say or do to change my situation.

Sorry for you ever been abused. I do hope you keep journeying for you.

I'd give a million dollars to be free of the "how's and why's" got any tips?

I think for me I just put it where it belonged. On them. My abusers. I found that being able to actually say that they were sociopaths and void of any true abilities to be human.

There is no acceptable explanation to what they have done. I found that if I kept focusing on the hows and whys that I was robbing myself of real validation that I was and am worth more than them. I did not desrve it. How can one ever "understand" pathological behavior. What does it matter if I did?

Would it take away what they did to me? Nope. That is what I try to do to keep myself from giving them more of my time in my here and now.

No, I can not get through the night without re-living it all but at least I know what to expect and when I wake up I try not to search for understanding. Make sense? I am babbling a bit because I am racing but I hope you get what I am trying to say.

Peace to you-

Sunny,

I have questions about my family too but since I've experienced revelation, retraction, and "I have a wonderful family" (what's wrong with you?) I say let them seek therapy on their own. I'm just saying
take care of yourself.

The person who did me that way was a master of making me listen to her outrage, getting sympathy, encouraging bitterness and fear. I should have known.

I'm sorry you were abused. I don't know if there is anything tou can do for your brother at this point. Have you tried talking to him from a safe distance? You need to take care of your self first. The whys and the hows really don't matter the fact is he had a choice and chose to do it anyway. Now you are left with the baggage. It is so unfair. You need to concentrate on yourself. That's hard enough. You can't change anyone else.

My brother was abused longer than I was because he was kept under my father's spell for a long time. To this day, he will not talk about it - refuses to. It's been a rift between us for years.

Until your brother decides to do something about it for himself, there's really nothing you can do except take care of yourself.

I know it's frustrating - even heart-breaking - but the truth is there's only so much you can do.

i have had the opportunity a few different times to talk with guys who were in denial. I found that if i sat them down at a computer and ask them to do a search of male sexual child abuse and have them read the signs of abuse and definitions. In all four cases they were shocked and began their journey out of denial.

good luck

I believe my sister was abused some, I dont know the extent.. she wont talk about it.

I know (because of flashbcks) he used my sister to get more from me and more cooperation.. if you dont I will just go get your sister.

I didnt push her but I have mentioned out loud to her that John abused me. Its about all I can say so I end with.. there is help and if he did anything to you you should get help.

Good luck but most of all take care of YOU first

Thanks all. I got a lot out of each comment. I'm so grateful for all of your generosity. It is very frustrating. I may call my brother soon. I've written him several times but have gotten no response. That was a great tip about the signs of abuse, facts that are in your face. I may try and break through to him somehow like that. Thanks again!