first thing i am sorry for what you are going through, its a difficult thing to deal with. you dont want to kill yourself, what you need to do is talk to someone. a counselor or someone, i dont know if it ever goes away. Its always there yuo just have to learn how to deal with it and keep it in the recesses of your mind and not dwell on it, i know its easier said than done, everyone has to deal with things in their own way, you have to figure what will make you feel better, whether its talking about it and getting it of your chest( i know that works for me) its like lifting a burden

Thanks, it is nice to know other people can relate. I'll take your advice and keep trying to find ways to deal with it.

Thank you, have a sunny day!

S.

I've been through this in my life as well. I was not only suicidal, I was violent. As long as you are alive, there is hope things will get better. One day it will not be as hard to live with this incest. You will adapt and find ways to cope. It will get better. The more work you put into things like therapy, even if it's coming on here, and work on being positive, the closer that day will come. It really helps to have medication. It clears your thought process.

Hold onto your life with all you have. You'll never know the joys life can bring you if you end your life. Believe me, when you find someone who understands and accepts you even knowing about the abuse, you will feel enourmously happy. Happier than if it never happened to you because you've dealt with it the other way, by yourself.

Do you want to be a cutter? Do you want your life to be hiding your scars, coping each day by making another cut? You have to be strong and demand more from your life. You are better than cutting. You are better than suicide. You are a strong and worthwhile human being. You are NOT your abuse. Don't give them the power to snuff out your life or keep you hidden in the dark making a cut.

If you feel like this, call someone. Find a counselor or a friend that will be your safety net. You have to find someone that makes you feel safe in these situations. If you don't have someone, try and cultivate that relationship NOW before you reach this point again.

Journal. Write down how you feel until it is released.

You are strong. Just keep saying that. You are strong. Stronger than the abuse. Stronger than the urge to kill yourself. Stronger than the urge to cut. At the first sign, the first thought, pull out your journal, record the impulse and journal until you feel better. Keeping track of this will let you know how you are feeling and as you re-read through it, you'll start to see patterns. It will help you be self-aware and help your help when you get through it.

If you have tried these things before, you have to re-try, change your mindset, keep at it. Think of suicide as an emotional hole. You won't see daylight for awhile, but if you continue to climb, you'll get out of the hole.

Thank you, I'll try those things again. I don't want to hurt myself. I want to have good feelings.

Thank you for caring.
S.

Thank you all for your comments. I know there are a lot of caring people here and I thank you all. I've been thinking about what you all wrote especially Doug184. I know I can feel the pain and not think about hurting myself. Thank you for telling me that there is hope to gain happiness that is better than even if the abuse never occurred. I've so sad thinking that I can never achieve that. Now, I believe I can.

Thank you all!

I'm sorry you were feeling so upset. It's difficult to feel all these emotions, but they will pass. I found that in my healing, however painful, made my life so vibrant and rich beyond it. I wish I had been healing years ago now. Keep expressing, releasing yourself, having compassion for yourself, you have such a beautiful life ahead of you.

Thank you taiyin, and all of you, I can feel your love and I want to get better if only because I want to be strong for you and others like us, and myself, of course. You are all great people, I pray for happiness and life abundant for all of us.

-S.

Do not let that evil demonic spirit win LOVE yourself! Know that you are worthy Pray for strength and courage Hold your head high You didn't do it Ask GOD to take the pain and hatred out of your heart Please read my blog 1motherlesschild.blogspot.com u may find some inspiration and courage

I agree with so much that has been said here so I don't have much to add. Big hugs to you for reaching out and accepting support. You are stronger than you know. ((hugs))