Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
From
http://liveabundantly.ca/the-fearful-avoidant-attachment-style/
"The fearful-avoidant attachment style is characterized by a negative view of self and a negative view of others. Those who fall into this category view themselves as unworthy and undeserving of love. Additionally, they feel that others are unworthy of their love and trust because they expect that others will reject or hurt them. Given their negative view of self and their view that others are bound to hurt them, those with a fearful-avoidant attachment style tend to avoid close involvement with others in order to protect themselves from anticipated rejection (Bartholomew, 1991)."
"The fearful-avoid attachment style may be one of the most difficult styles to understand. It is characterized by a strong desire to protect oneself and to avoid relationship, while on the other hand still having a strong desire to be in relationship. The most characteristic patterns of a fearful-avoidant style include a desire to be in relationship with others, while also feeling uncomfortable getting close to others, perpetual worry that one will get hurt if they allow someone in and an overall negative view of themselves."
"Due to the self-consciousness that a fearful-avoidant person experiences, they become dependent in relationships and may struggle with separation anxiety. They have difficulty building trust and often avoid conflict. They avoid displaying emotions and being vulnerable with their partners unless they are certain they will get a positive response. After entering into a relationship, those who are fearfully attached tend to be insecure and have more invested in the relationship than their partner. They tend to internalize problems in the relationship as being their fault and assume a passive role within the relationship. Due to all of the worries and fears experienced getting to know someone and that persist through their relationship, fearfully attached individuals often try to physically and emotionally avoid intimate connections with others."
Sorry for pretty much copypasta-ing most of the article, but this is exactly what I got through.
I love people, I fear people, the more I love the more I fear.
http://liveabundantly.ca/the-fearful-avoidant-attachment-style/
"The fearful-avoidant attachment style is characterized by a negative view of self and a negative view of others. Those who fall into this category view themselves as unworthy and undeserving of love. Additionally, they feel that others are unworthy of their love and trust because they expect that others will reject or hurt them. Given their negative view of self and their view that others are bound to hurt them, those with a fearful-avoidant attachment style tend to avoid close involvement with others in order to protect themselves from anticipated rejection (Bartholomew, 1991)."
"The fearful-avoid attachment style may be one of the most difficult styles to understand. It is characterized by a strong desire to protect oneself and to avoid relationship, while on the other hand still having a strong desire to be in relationship. The most characteristic patterns of a fearful-avoidant style include a desire to be in relationship with others, while also feeling uncomfortable getting close to others, perpetual worry that one will get hurt if they allow someone in and an overall negative view of themselves."
"Due to the self-consciousness that a fearful-avoidant person experiences, they become dependent in relationships and may struggle with separation anxiety. They have difficulty building trust and often avoid conflict. They avoid displaying emotions and being vulnerable with their partners unless they are certain they will get a positive response. After entering into a relationship, those who are fearfully attached tend to be insecure and have more invested in the relationship than their partner. They tend to internalize problems in the relationship as being their fault and assume a passive role within the relationship. Due to all of the worries and fears experienced getting to know someone and that persist through their relationship, fearfully attached individuals often try to physically and emotionally avoid intimate connections with others."
Sorry for pretty much copypasta-ing most of the article, but this is exactly what I got through.
I love people, I fear people, the more I love the more I fear.
So.. avoidance is a starting place. This is something I have struggled with in trying to make a secure bond with my therapist to further my treatment. Dealing with it sucks.
Thanks
reading a good book - Where to Draw the Line by Anne Katherine. It has some helpful stuff about the avoidance. have you read it Hylie?