Incest Survivors Support Group

Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...

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Ashamed.

theblackrose
theblackrose
For the past week a boy kept trying to touch me, hold my hand, kiss me, hold me, and even sit on me. I hated it, it brought back so many terrible memories. I don't even know him. I wanted to cry and yell but my voice was gone. I couldn't find my words and when I did they didn't work. A friend had to save me. She told him off and he hasn't bugged me since. But I feel so terrible. I couldn't find the words, I couldn't tell him no. I was so afraid... Now I'm so ashamed...
bluedragon41
bluedragon41
Sweetheart...what happened before when you tried to say no?

Years after the s*x component of my abuse ended, my dad asked me "Can I come in?" In being my room.
I was 13 and I smart-alecky said "No." I didn't mean it.
He lunged into the (really small) room and slapped my head sideways.
"DON'T YOU EVER TELL ME NO!"

Your no was taken away, I expect.
I imagine saying that word could get you hurt.
When having a flashback, I will often cry "Nooooo." My no was stolen too.
JournalReader
JournalReader
You describe the FREEZE response very well! I felt tremendous shame for not being able to say no but it helped me to understand it's a fear response. Much like a deer in the headlights.

You did nothing wrong. You just had a fear reaction.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have those moments too, and it's very particular to the nature of my abuse. I was coerced into touching my brother and now whenever anyone asks me what they can do for me I immediately freeze and panic. I don't have any words for them at all and I too am filled with all sorts of shame and feel like a disgusting little bug, even though they're just asking me a simple question.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think JounalReader has it - it sounds just like the freeze response, or the 'rabbit in the headlights'. This isn't something you can control - not at the moment anyway. Don't be hard on yourself and you don't need to feel ashamed, the response is learned and not your fault.

I think it's great that you have a friend who can be your voice at times like this.