It seems like the simplest thing to do would be to talk to him and go forward based on his response. A LOT of people look at porn these days and not all of them are bad people, but I believe porn does twist your perceptions and kind of mess up your sexuality. You don't have to reveal that you snooped on him - you could just open a general conversation on that topic, express your feelings and see how he reacts.

A lot of people prefer not to look too deeply into porn, the same way people don't want to really think about how meat arrives on their plates.

sunflowerhippie,

I agree with donnawanda--talk with him. No accusations, just let him know where you're coming from and what these "semi porn accounts" mean to you and how they impact you.

Take one step at a time and let your next steps be based on the conversations you have with him.

xx
SuzA

sunflower- I think donna and SuzA are right on target. Try to talk to him and look for his reasoning and reaction, and tell him how you feel. I'd just add that if the semi porn even "suggests" sexualizing abusive adult sex, or kiddie porn (which is actual rape), there's cause for concern. If not, it's only fantasies that arouse him. Nothing more. He might have kept it a secret for fear you'd be hurt.

What do you mean by semi porn? Do you consider all porn taboo? Does he know that? You have to remember men are more visually stimulated than women are. Maybe he needs a visual aid to stimulate himself. I personally wouldn't make a big deal about it, unless the semi porn was more than semi porn. Of course, if it is an issue that you can't overlook it should be discussed but be prepared for the outcome.

If porn watching is crossing a boundary for you, then you need to discuss that with him.

...has he given you permission to check his browsing history?

...My own thought: I would not ask someone to give up porn unless they spent more time watching porn than having sex with me and I started feeling neglected.

...and if someone followed my browsing history I would be mad. I would consider that a ( minor ) violation of my privacy.

Then again, I am polyamorous, and having other sex partners would be a discussed thing...porn is just having a wank.

...why don't you define precisely what sexual disrespect looks like? As the issue is not so much what he gets up to alone I don't think...but how he treats YOU.

So figure out what's not ok to do to you, and tell him ( in the parlance of BDSM ) that that's a hard limit. Ain't happening no way, no how, uh uh.

I've heard that fully half of all internet traffic involves adult entertainment. So I would also say that condemning someone for doing something that commonplace is not reasonable or fair.

But I do understand the sensitivity that a person develops after being abused, since I've been abused myself. And I agree that communicating your feelings is essential in a situation like this, assuming it can be done in a calm way without using strong rhetoric.

I think we all need to keep in mind that a relationship with someone doesn't mean we own them. Being in a relationship should not mean a person has to change their life to one where they follow rules set down by the other person. That's not a partnership, it's enslavement.

There should be give and take leading to compromise, not dictatorial rule-making. It seems to me that a relationship based on that kind of reasonableness is more likely to be beneficial to both partners. It's what I would want...sharing in someone's life, not changing them to fit into mine.

I think I kind of have to agree with Richie. My husband watches porn and when I "caught" him, I literally freaked. I felt betrayed and I felt that something must be wrong with ME, if he was going to go on Porn Sites. After several days of talking about it with him, I realized that it was my insecurity with myself because of the way I have always looked at myself, from my past sexual abuse. I also have found that many of my friends husbands look at it too, and it has nothing to do with them or their sex life. In my humble opinion, of course, I think that it is a "man" thing. Sorry guys. The best thing that you can do, Sunflower, is talk to him. Be honest and let him know how it makes you feel. Honesty with each other, is the only way to go. Good luck.