Incest Survivors Support Group

Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...

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proudaunt 04/25/2012

I was sexually abused by my Grandfather for over 4 years.It all started when my parents divorced at 6. He always told me my father would not believe me cause he would always love his father more. Since then I have never been in a relationship more than a month. The one boyfriend I did tell dumped me the next day. I am having such a hard time lately hearing people make fun of virgins. Like Tim Tebow its everywhere. With my PTSD I feel like I can no longer go places with people, because this conversation may come up. I also suffer from non-epiliptic seizures and can have one at anytime. Some times I feel like all my therapy does is bring up my bad memories. Has anyone else gone through this

My spelling made be bad in my posts. It is one of my triggers working really hard on not driving myself crazy making sure I spell everything right.

acaseofyou12581 04/25/2012

I have issues when people around me talk about sex. They will talk about losing their virginity. All I can think is that I lost my virginity to my father when I was just a little girl, but I can't say that because I am ruining the good time. My story ruins everything, etc. You know how it is.

As far as therapy bringing up bad memories... god, yes, it does; it will; it has to. The idea is that one day it won't be so bad. Talking about the memories will get easier. Living with them will get easier too. Am I there yet? No. Sometimes I feel like I will never get there. But I have hope that I will... mostly because my therapist is like a fucking magician or some shit. She's very good to me. I trust her.

I also helps that my chihuahua climbs up onto my shoulder and falls asleep when I start crying.

deleted_user 04/25/2012

You are perfectly normal for someone who's gone through what you did. Don't be so down on yourself; you have every right to feel the things you feel.

As for bad memories, they're supposed to come up in therapy. Exposure therapy gives them less power over you. The more you see and process them, the less they will effect you. So this is really good news, painful as it may be.

Good luck on your continued journey.

deleted_user 04/25/2012

I just want to say that I read this somewhere and I totally believe it. Your virginity cant be taken away it is a special thing to be given so the times it was 'taken' dont count

proudaunt 04/25/2012

Thanks for comments. I know it the long run the therapy is helping. It just seems like when ever we are working through an issue, the issue pops up ever where else. TV shows conversations with people. I wish had my virginity to give. That was taken at 7 years old. I just feel like I am the old lady with her cat (she is a great cat who always know when I am sad) I never have a boyfriend at any family events. Most of my family still do not know what happened to me.

Pippilotta 04/25/2012

I hear ya...I'm the same way....I know how much it hurts. I have the same trouble with the sex conversations. It's hard not to feel like a freak. They think that it is because of some religious reason...if they only knew the truth, but like they say...our stories ruin everything...

deleted_user 04/25/2012

I wish I was a virgin. I do not want to ever have sex again and I haven't in a long, long time. I don't think there is anything wrong with that-especially with the past histories we have.

bluedragon41 04/25/2012

Fortunately, the people I tend to like are usually as pure as the driven-over snow. Does not come up.
Quite frankly, if someone asks me I will tell them exactly how I lost it.
I was 6. My uncle, the bathroom floor of the house we were moving into.
He choked me half unconscious so I could not scream out to my grandma downstairs, watching TV.

Wheezie 04/25/2012

If you never gave yourself to someone completely.If you were forced or coerced.If you have dissociated sex your entire life then you still are a virgin.PLS is absolutely correct.Your virginity cannot be taken from you.It has to be given by you completely.Mind,body and soul.

deleted_user 04/26/2012

I always consider that I lost my virginity to my boyfriend at 16. Although in a way I'm still waiting to lose it. I don't count what my father did. Maybe I should because I did give him my soul.

People who make fun of virgins are just arseholes. Virgins, mother-in-laws, gays, blacks, jews etc etc - they see anyone 'different' as fodder to boost their own self importance. It is hard and it does hurt, but try to remind yourself they are doing it because they aren't clever enough to get their kicks without picking on someone. it's not about you, it's about them (although of course they'd deny it).

Wheezie 04/26/2012

I have spoken to at least 10 women about this.All of whom say they are numb during consensual sex.This is because of abuse in childhood and basically being on auto-dissociate when anything sexual comes into play.Think of it this way.If you are dissociating during sex.Then you are not feeling sex completely.You are not giving yourself completely.You body might be there but your mind is not.That is why I said you have to give yourself completely mind,body and soul.Until you do give yourself completely you will always be a virgin.

moonface21 04/26/2012

My virginity was stolen from me when I was 3 by my father, stolen again by my uncle, a pedophile in the street, my 2 brothersand a student at university.It lasted until I was 20.
My husband's virginity was stolen from his father and step mother when he was 3and a half,a pedophile on a train, an art teacher and 4 cops in South Africa.
When we met each other, we knew that love had won, that whatever circumstances, flask backs, we would be together and heal together.
With or without sex, it became irrelevent really.
It's never too late to love.

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