You are human. You shouldn't feel guilty. I think you are doing a really great job by posting on here. working and trying to heal from your trauma takes courage. You aren't alone. Please don't let your religion make you feel guilty.

Hi dodge, I'd be a lot more worried if you DIDN'T have a lot of anger. It's a natural part of things. My concept of higher power is of infinite acceptance. you don't have to be a 'good girl' to be accepted!
It's important how you work the anger through - including avoiding hurting yourself of others. I say that, but I took the anger out on myself in a lot of ways. So, just do what you can.
Within yourself, and to yourself, in the privacy of your own mind - there's no such thing as a wrong feeling.
all the best.

Anger is a very healthy reaction to abuse.
It is normal and a sign you are in recovery.

There are many ways to deal with the anger, fantasies, art, advocating for a cause...
But for me what helped first is yes to accept I was angry and had a huge reason to be. Whenever I feel the rage that most abuse survivors feel eventually while recovering I direct it towards those that caused it in my mind.

Yes I have fantasies of revenge but they stay a fantasy. Is not that unhealthy to have fantasies of revenge. As long as we are conscious is just a fantasy. We are not like them so we do not act on them.

What my doc suggested for me is art...

Anger is a very healthy response to being violated. God created anger, fear, love, etc. If you weren't angry, I would be concerned that you're in complete denital and victimizing yourself. Place the blame where it belongs, and that is NOT on you. If someone ran over your beloved pet, would you be angry? I should hope so. You have been so terribly violated, you ought to be angry. It is the healthiest, most normal response possible. Those who have no remorse do not deserve anything . If you don't want to forgive, you don't have to, that's Gods job. If God wants to forgive, then it's up to him/her...not us. You are only obliged to try and help yourself survive this hideous torment. He is the one who should feel guilty NOT you.

Um, ripping up discarded cardboard boxes with your hands helps the anger, as do pushups.
Please do not feel guilt over the anger. Just feel it like a big wave. Observe it.
I found that the rage was a lid for grief.

I am a Christian as well and I'm also trying to work through my own anger. This is something that bugs me about some religions, they teach that Christians are doormats who should never get angry, but that is not Biblical. There were many times when Christians in the Bible got angry. Like Moses when he threw down the ten commandments. God himself gets angry when people act in cruel ways. For example, in Exodus 22:22-24 God says that if anyone mistreats orphans or widows and they cry out to him that he will get angry. And what about when Jesus threw the moneychangers out of the temple because they were taking advantage of the people? In Mark 3:1-5, the scribes and Pharisees were watching Jesus critically because he was healing on the Sabbath and he got angry at their inhumanity. When people were bringing their children to Jesus and his disciples reprimanded them, depending on your translation of the Bible, it says he got angry or indignant at them for not letting the children come. So basically, anger is normal and healthy for Christians. Ephesians 4:26 says to be angry but do not sin. So having anger and dealing with it in healthy ways, not going out and hurting someone, is perfectly acceptable for Christians. You have ample reason to be angry. My therapist says that anger is a normal response to injustice. You have suffered a horrible injustice! I'd be far more concerned if you didn't have anger! This is something that you've probably been internalizing for years, it will take some time to work through it. But you do not have to feel guilty for your feelings. And if anyone is trying to tell you that the anger you feel is wrong, you do not need that person in your life! Don't listen to them!

As for ways I deal with the anger, the most important thing (according to my therapist) is to not just sit there when you are angry. You have to let it out. Write it down, don't worry about grammar, punctuation, or trying to be nice. If you need to cuss, let it out!!! I know as Christians we might feel guilty if we curse, but don't! Just write whatever comes out. You need to let it out and trying to edit it or being guarded is not as helpful. You can also write poetry or letters to your abuser (don't have to send it) or your parents or anyone else you are angry at! You can even write fictional stories that express your anger. If you are afraid that someone might see what you've written, burn the paper or rip it into little shreds or whatever feels good. If you aren't a writer, paint or draw your feelings or sing them or play them on an instrument, whatever helps you get your feelings out. Just don't keep it bottled up. Try to direct the anger toward the person responsible, your abuser and not yourself. You might understandably have some anger towards yourself, but remember this wasn't your fault. The other person is the guilty one. They are the one who deserves the anger, not you. But if your anger towards yourself is making you want to self-harm, use one of these other techniques as an outlet instead. I like the suggestion to rip cardboard, I might try that. Exercise is really good. Whatever kind of exercise you enjoy. Especially if you are alone and can rant and rave about things while you are exercising. The exercise gives you an outlet for releasing the adrenaline you are feeling when you are angry. That is very important. My therapist has a black belt in tae kwan do and she is teaching me to punch and some self defense maneuvers and that is a very therapeutic thing for me. I feel like I am empowering myself, learning how to protect myself but at the same time I get to release all of this pent up anger. She did say you have to be careful, because it can make some people more aggressive, so if you try it and you start picking fights or if you've ever physically hurt someone before it might not be a good idea. But she says usually that's only with men, most women are taught to be cute and passive, to never feel anger or defend themselves, so they have the opposite problem, they feel silly or stupid when they learn to punch. You can also scream into a pillow, whack the wall or your bed with a pillow, punch a pillow or mattress (pillows are great outlets for anger!). If you have a supportive, nonjudgmental friend or family member call them up and ask if you can vent your feelings to them. Maybe meet up for walks and talk it out with them. Or maybe you can find a support group to join. You can also pray about your feelings. Pray for help in dealing with your guilt over your anger. And remember, God doesn't blame you for what happened or for feeling the emotions he created within us.

Sorry this turned out to be so long, like I said I am currently trying to work through my own anger and these are all things I've discussed with my therapist. Btw, if you are not seeing one already, finding a therapist you feel comfortable with and trust is very important. I was afraid to go because I thought I would be judged or something, but it has probably been the best decision I've ever made in my entire life. They can help you work through your anger, teach you coping skills, help you come up with a plan for dealing with your anger that is effective and tailored for you. They can also help you redirect the anger you feel towards yourself. They can help you see where your reasoning is maybe off base. It is so common for victims to blame themselves, but it really, truly wasn't your fault and a therapist can really help you understand and truly believe that.

It is said that anger is the backbone of healing. I find it very uncomfortable to feel anger but I can see how it's healthy (now). I'm not sure if it's related to religion that you feel guilty. I am not religious and I felt tremendous guilt over my anger. I still do.

There are some perks to allowing yourself to express anger. You may start to feel some power. For example, I no longer have dreams where I'm powerless. I fight back in them. I yell, scream, or throw things when I see abusers in my dreams.

When it first surfaced and felt quite overwhelming, I did some things like smashing paint on a canvas or screaming into a pillow. It didn't feel good but it felt healthy, if that makes sense?

I also have a hard time with anger. I feel that it is UGLY and SHAMEFUL for a girl or woman to manifest anger. Notice I said "feel" - it's not what I believe intellectually.

I also despise the idea that Christians are not supposed to get angry and defend themselves, but "turn the other cheek". What a masochistic religion! But if you think about it (and I am addressing this to able adults, not helpless children) if you allowed someone to behave abusively towards you while honing your own sense of virtue, then you are really just standing by and letting someone else dig themselves deeper into Hell. How is that "Christian" behavior? If we are believers, then we should not contribute to someone else's sinful behavior by making it easy for them.

Tusitalo once posted a link to an amazing blog that refutes many false biblical interpretations that are used to defend abusers.

(Mutate, I do feel the need to point out that Moses was not a Christian, he was a Jew - as were all the prophets and patriarchs of the Old Testament.)

@donnawanda Yeah, I know Moses was a Jew, but most Christians believe the Old as well as the New Testament (didn't mean to call Moses a Christian, though).

Okie dokie : )

Can't resist jumping into this discussion, hope I don't offend anyone.

The "turn the other cheek" quote from the Bible has been misinterpreted for a long time. Historians point out that the context is the appearance of Roman soldiers moving through a settlement. They were often outnumbered by the Jews and the appropriate response when someone was struck by a Roman soldier on horseback was to cast eyes downward in submission.

But the Jews were getting rebellious at that time, so they would turn the other cheek and maintain eye contact. It was a challenge, and it meant that the Jew who did that had enough friends in the crowd to take on the Romans in a fight. In other words, it the Roman soldier dared to hit him again, a brawl would break out and the Romans would take casualties. So they rarely rose to the challenge if their numbers were few.

Historians also point out that careful reading of the Gospels will show that people described as disciples were all armed, mostly with large knives. People did not go on journeys without weapons. So the idea of submitting to enemies does not fit at all.

I'm not a Christian or a Jew, so the Bible is a part historical/part fictional book to me. But I felt I should point out that historians and preachers do not agree about the interpretation of that quote. People have been arguing about interpretation of those ancient writings for a very long time now.

I personally feel that taking ancient writings like the Bible literally, without knowing the historical context of the time period, is a big mistake.