It is very hard i feel i live in a internal hell....i want to crawl out of own self i feel trapped..BUt you still young life does change...

Death is not the solution to end your pain healing is.We all here know the feelings of being alone even around people that are suppose to be our closest friends and family members.My entire family is in denial even though they have been through the same exact things as me.It is heart breaking but we have to seek out people who are on our same level as far as healing goes.People who validate us not people who distance themselves and push us away when we speak of what we have been through.I read your blog and it seems that you yearn for this deeper connection with other human beings not just someone who would sugar coat your pain but someone who can truly validate what you have been through.These people are out there you just have to find them.

I hear ya, sometimes the pain is unbearable and hard. But we are survivors. We each have an inner strength I believe, otherwise we won't have made it this far. You have great potential and I do hope that today you grab a hold of hope. That hope is knowing we can go through this! I understand your pain... grab hold of life. I'll definitely check out your blog

I read the blog entry.
...They are not able to go to the deep dark places you need to go to heal.
...That's down to them. That's not because you don't warrant it. It's due to their...brittleness and weakness.

This horrible place passes. Stay with us?

Yes, please stay with us. Some of us are further down the path of healing and we know you will reach that point, there are just really bad points on the way.
Hang in there, you've experienced the worst but it will be get better with more time.

pasch:
I have told several young people that come to me with suicidal ideation the same as I am telling you - at your age, you have no idea the wonders that this life and this world can hold for you. Suicide is not just a choice you can make, it is the LAST choice you will make - as long as you have life, you can make changes and find new experiences that aren't tainted by your past. I do hope you reconsider this and get whatever help you need to get past this really rough period. Many survivors, myself included, have looked through the perspective you are now looking through - and, speaking for myself I can say I am SO thankful to have made it through as life has been very rewarding for me. I really don't think you WANT to die, it sounds more like you just want the pain to stop so you can LIVE. And until you have tried every possible approach to overcoming this,every pill, every therapy, etc. then you have not given yourself the all chances you deserve. Have you tried Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR)? I have read a LOT of good things about it overcoming depression and helping you reprocess the pain you have expressed so often.
All my best, please stay with us -
Refuse2quit