Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
i was on this site before, and left and came back, i came to a realization recently that hit me like a ton of bricks. heres my story in a nutshell.
when i was 6 or 7, i was abused by an older cousin. while visiting. it happened oiver a summer and to be honest to this day i still dont remember what happened in full, thats a good thing i guess. anyhow i always wondered why i felt not worthy of alot, when i was younger i allowed myself to be in friendships where i was bullied and treated like shit. i was was raised by a single mom, she got remarried when i was like 12 but my stepfather never put his 2 cents in on anything. when i was a kid, any boyhood crushes on girls seemed so intense the feelings i would have, it was weird. but i was always the ugly nerdy kid, who just got laughed at. i am married i have 2 daughters, i have no friends really now, i just work and survive, i feel like i dont belong in my house. i still to this day, cant seem to help myself on wanting to talk to and help people, mostly women, no i am not doing anything sexual, but even with friends, i get this intense feeling of love for them. i know being married i should not, but i cant figure out why i do it. the reason this realization came about. is an old friend from school a female, needed some help, we have been talking, she may be the one person who has more issues than me that i know. anyhow we only talk on facebook, she has texted me a few times for help with some things, like she thought someone was after her and had her house bugged so i went and checked out stuff, or things like that but nothing more, yet i feel like i am in love with her. i know these feelings are not fair to my family, but i get them alot. i never act on anything, i just like to talk to and be around people,
anyhow sorry for being long winded, but is this from my abuse that i am like this, has anyone else ever experienced this
when i was 6 or 7, i was abused by an older cousin. while visiting. it happened oiver a summer and to be honest to this day i still dont remember what happened in full, thats a good thing i guess. anyhow i always wondered why i felt not worthy of alot, when i was younger i allowed myself to be in friendships where i was bullied and treated like shit. i was was raised by a single mom, she got remarried when i was like 12 but my stepfather never put his 2 cents in on anything. when i was a kid, any boyhood crushes on girls seemed so intense the feelings i would have, it was weird. but i was always the ugly nerdy kid, who just got laughed at. i am married i have 2 daughters, i have no friends really now, i just work and survive, i feel like i dont belong in my house. i still to this day, cant seem to help myself on wanting to talk to and help people, mostly women, no i am not doing anything sexual, but even with friends, i get this intense feeling of love for them. i know being married i should not, but i cant figure out why i do it. the reason this realization came about. is an old friend from school a female, needed some help, we have been talking, she may be the one person who has more issues than me that i know. anyhow we only talk on facebook, she has texted me a few times for help with some things, like she thought someone was after her and had her house bugged so i went and checked out stuff, or things like that but nothing more, yet i feel like i am in love with her. i know these feelings are not fair to my family, but i get them alot. i never act on anything, i just like to talk to and be around people,
anyhow sorry for being long winded, but is this from my abuse that i am like this, has anyone else ever experienced this
Two possibilities occur to me:
Maybe even without the abuse you'd have been a lovely caring affectionate guy who kept falling in love.
Maybe you help people and fall in love easily because you are looking for people to love and help you.
Whatever the reason, you sound like a really lovely, nice, loyal, dependable guy. Something you should be proud of.
God bless
love Manda xxxx
I am no psychologist and I am just going by your story about how you grew up. You do not mention whether your Mom is a positive person in your life or an enabler to your abusers etc.
Sometimes the intense feelings we have comes from our need to be loved- we tend to latch on to anything remotely positive that can help us feel validated as a person. It was taken from you/me/us from the moment abuse occurred and it alters our views on what is something "real" and something we really "want and need" in our lives.
Lines get blurred. It is good that you can recognize this behavior and find a way to pull the nurturing,loving aspects you have into positives in your daily life with your family. idk- I'm just sharing a thought and maybe I am totally off base.
Best to you.