Oh my darling, please get yourself to a safe place where he can't reach you. Your wing may be broken but you still have legs. Use them to get away so that your wing can begin to heal.

I'm sending all the love and strength I can through to you.
Safe hugs

3 years ago the police found out what my father was doing, all though they told him to the police station I was to scared to make a formal statement so no formal arrest could happen. He still scares the hell out of me when I have go back and see him but it seems to have stopped him for now, he knows they are aware and one more thing and I crack and go to the police he knows they will be down on him harshly. They couldn't get me to give a statement cos I was protecting him.

You don't need to have whoever it prosecuted, but if you tell someone and they are aware that you have it can scare them off a little. I know your scared of not being belived or even believed, I was too and it's real scary but it may not turn out as bad as u imagine. Surly it can't get any worse then having to be around that person and fearing? I still live in fear around him when I feel I have go back to my parents but i like to think he has been warned. He still had control over me for sure but I like to think I'm working towards taking my control.

Is there anyone you trust that can inform the authorities for you? I never actually told the police or professionals a close online friend did without me being aware and hell I freaked out thinking it'd make everything worse but it hadn't,for now he has stopped.

It's one the hardest things breaking the silence and if people don't listen then the whole lot of them arnt worth being around. Sure I'm a total hypocrite cos I can't leave my family even though they gone into denial. Hmmm I'm sorry I really don't know what point I'm making.

I guess, I just I know how hard it is. Hugs. X

Thanks you two for the hugs and comments... I'm trying to be safe I just have to come home for the.breaks for school and in May I graduate so I'll have to move back here :-/ I live in a house with two of my former abusers (my dad and sister) and that takes a toll on me I hate my father with a passion and he's power hungry he's always trying to make me feel small.. the only person that still sexually abuses me my cousin is here during the breaks when he's not at school so its hard to escape when I don't know where else to go :-/

Thanks you for sharing rotting I'm just scarred because when I first told.my mom and she confronted my dad everyone just turned on me.. No one would talk to me and I fear my while family will just disown me :(

now is the time to plan for your future. don't go back after u graduate. is there a church pastor that you can talk to who could find someone to put u up for the holidays?

can you buy one of those cans that sound like a horn blasting off. they use them in football and baseball games. every time he gets near you press the button. betcha he'll go somewhere else.

please take care of yourself.

That's actually a good idea rafyel but I would probably get yelled at and in trouble for making the noise by my parents but worth it

If there's any possible way to find a friend who would be willing to let you live with them, or even perhaps a more supportive family member, it's always ok to ask for help. I've had to deal with living with an emotionally abusive father and I'm currently negotiating living with my aunts instead. they live far enough away that he won't have any impact on me while I'm there, and both are supportive, so I'm really lucky in that, but if you have someone, anyone, who you would feel comfortable asking to stay with them, i think it would be better than being forced to go back to the ones who are continuing to hurt you.

Hopeless,

I agree with Rafi and Bodacious and would strongly urge you as well to not return in May. You have 5 months still to prepare. You continue to suffer from abuse in that home and you need to be somewhere safe. You cannot heal from an abusive situation when you remain there and they continue to break you down on a daily basis until you feel hopeless and want to die. It is difficult to be young and on your own, but it is not impossible. With a college degree you have more prospects than some. I left at 17 and never returned, even homeless for a short time. It took all the strength I had to attend high school while living on the streets so I could get into college. I signed up for food stamps on my 18th birthday and celebrated with fresh fruit that I had been craving for months. The best peach I ever had. The school found out just prior to my birthday that I was living on the streets (passed out in class due to lack of food) and a few weeks later a family from one of my teacher's church came forward and housed me until I graduated. There are people that are willing to help others like you, like me, for short periods of time so we can get on our feet.

Leaving the abuse was the best thing I ever did. I was free and then able to focus on my life and heal. I wish the same for you and that you get free of your abusive family. Even the thoughts of going back have you so distressed now, five months before it is even going to happen. Please at least look at other possible solutions for after graduation so you don't have to return. Wouldn't that be the best graduation present ever?

In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, our primary needs are biological such as air, food and water. After that is the need for safety and security. Safety is 2nd only to things necessary to live!!! You can't focus on much else if you are on constant high alert and triggering, wondering when it will happen again. After you are safe, then you can begin to focus on healing, love, and your self-esteem. And then following that you thrive, and you can follow your dreams.

Your broken wing can be healed, but not until you are free and safe.

Thank you both for sharing.. One of the hardest things for me to do is to ask for help :-/ but anything is better than having to come back here to live I barley survived the week here plus I don't have a bed room anymore but it would be the best graduation gift to myself .... I was thinking about getting a part time job but idk if I could I'm taking 7 class plus a internship I have a work Study job plus I'm a scholarship rugby player so idk but I need to do something so I can try and get on my own.. That's all I want to be is finally free and able to start to heal maybe there's a program in my city idk

HELLO DARLING GIRL, SO SORRY THAT THEY TREATED YOU IN SUCH WAY, DO GET HELP, AND DON'T GO BACK, YOU CAN DO IT, FIND A JOB, SOMEPLACE THAT WILL HELP YOU, LOOK AROUND THERE ARE PLACES TO GO FOR THE ABUSED, YOU DESERVE RESPECT AND LOVE NOT ABUSE, TRY CHURCHES, THERE ARE GOOD PEOPLE THAT HELP,MIGHT OFFER A PLACE TO LIVE, DON'T BE AFRAID, LOVE L**