I have not personally been abused by a female, but I know of people who have. I'm pretty sure a lot of people feel similarly to you; up until quite presently, the idea of females sexually abusing anyone was basically denounced entirely. Obviously it does happen, though precisely how often I cannot say, and no matter what others say, your abuse was every bit as damaging as that done by a male. The effects of abuse are not determined by body parts or gender roles or anything of that sort. In time, I hope society will grow to accept that.

For the mean time, as different as I know your circumstances may make you feel, take a look at all the similarities you have with other abuse victims--regardless of their abuser's gender or even their own gender. They are strikingly similar. No two people are affected in the same way, but the feelings abuse causes is often quite shared among victims. We are each of us human beings, and despite our genders, we have a lot more in common than society would have us believe.

You are not alone. It used to be that men could not speak as victims, either. This is changing. Females are being recognized as abusers, as well, even to other females. It's painful that some don't consider what happens in cases like these as serious as those with male perpetrators, but you know what was done to you and how it made you feel; that is all that matters. The world doesn't have a right to tell you how to feel about a thing they won't even stop to consider possible; some people still think the more "typical" picture of a male abusing a female is "not a big deal." What do these things tell you about the validity of the opinions of those around you? Hopefully it tells you that some people, frankly speaking, are just idiots and shouldn't be bothered with.

There are people who will listen and not discount your experiences. They can be hard to find sometimes, but rest assured that you will find a great many of those people here. Not all of us have been abused by a female, and not all of us are female, but if anyone in this world understands how it feels to be judged and what abuse can do, no matter who the perpetrators and victims are, it is people who have been through abuse themselves.

You are never alone. You know too much about the human ability to maim and harm hearts, I'm sure. But don't underestimate its equally (if not even more) powerful ability to relate and help heal those hearts, as well. :)

I agree with everything that aikitsune says. Very well put.

You're not alone hopeless25. Perhaps your being open will encourage others to open up too.

Thank you so much guys .. I never talked about the abuse with my sister I think its the one that causes the most disbelief or I feel the most shame from I think... Idk she was suppose to protect me from my father and yet she joined in hurting me when we was older ..

It is hard to digest when women do the abusing, but it happens very often. Thanks for your honesty. As above, maybe your relating abuse by a female will bring others out too.

I know you are not alone, hope_25. I am pretty sure at least one other person on DS who has not posted lately has an experience similar. There is an experience in my past that involved a woman although not the same kind of betrayal you experienced yet I did feel and still do feel betrayed and used by this woman and the man who I usually blame entirely for everything - and yet the woman has some responsibility too. I have forgiven her because she was sexually abused as a child and has never faced her demons the way we are facing ours here at DS. Without having any perspective on herself, how can she make healthy choices? I don't say that to make any excuse for your sister - you have every right to be mad and expect her to protect you. I just mention that to tell you how I have found peace with it - but the peace did not come until AFTER I let myself be totally enraged about it.

Hugs to you Hope!

Hello Hopeless25

No, you are not alone.

As I came out of severe dissociation, deeply buried memories started emerging of my grand mother abusing me when she took me on holiday with her by the sea..I had kept half the film in my mind, me in bed with her and then the image would cut as if nothing had happened.

By researching into the whole family history, I understood she herself had been abused and then, built a life in an incestuous structure with her son and daughter after her husband died in the war.

her son, my uncle, became a pedo criminal who abused many children, me included.

Her daughter, my mother,married a pedocriminal very similar to her brother;She let my father abuse me and even participated in performing abortions on me.She has developped a sick pervert narcissic behaviour .

I have strange flashes with her too.

on the French forums, there are a lot of women who were abused by their mothers,aunts or sisters.

My husband was sexually abused by his step mother;it took him nearly 60 years to tell.
You are very courageous to speak out.
It is very comforting to find others who have been through the same situation.
before i came on this forum, i thought I was the only one who had got pregnant from my abuser.
I used to feel like a freak,and my husband too;
oh, how much time I lost by not reaching out for help.

Thank you guys for the comments and hugs and helping me realize that I'm not alone ... It means a lot