Incest Survivors Support Group

Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...

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strongmama12 02/04/2013

One counselor and an advocate -- think I should discuss my suspicions of abuse with my daughter's father. However, I strongly feel he could be the one responsible: The advocate said that his reaction would tell me a lot. If he seemed very concerned and wanted to get to the bottom of it -- that would indicate innocence for example. My concern is that he will use the information I give him -- against our daughter and make her clam up more.

The backstory:

The other day my 7 year old daughter had an unusual outburst over a cupcake. Not like her. So our sitter had a discussion with her about when bad things happen and being grateful. Well -- MY DAUGHTER DREW A PICTURE OF HERSELF NAKED WITH A SAD FACE AND THE LABEL SAID "NAKED ME" THEN SHE DREW A PICTURE OF HERSELF DRESSED AND SMILING. THE LABEL SAID "DRESSED ME" The sitter was stunned because it was off-topic and then she wasn't able to follow up because I happened to walk in from work. :( Not sure how to bring the topic back up to my daughter to get her to talk about the picture.

This is the latest in a series of incidents that are all concerning, but certainly not proof alone. I haven't been successful talking to her. I ruined it one day when she brought up a nightmare she had about people touching her all over. I freaked out and had a shocked face. And she SHUT DOWN immediately and hasn't opened up to me since.

A few months ago, she drew a picture of herself drowning, with a caption that said "help me"
She won't talk though. Even on difficult topics not related to this, she feels more comfortable writing me notes than talking. :(

Thanks for helping!

deleted_user 02/04/2013

It sounds like she is ready to open up through drawing pictures. I taught a girl once who displayed some disturbing behaviour and the educational psychologist helped her make a 'secret garden' in a shoebox I think. She was able to choose to put in all the things that made her feel safe. She decided to put in a handsome prince. They used it as a basis for discussion. Maybe someone else you trust could help with this, as you may find it too difficult not to show your emotions? How about the sitter?

deleted_user 02/04/2013

... Or if she's an able writer, you could give her a journal? There would have to be clear boundaries about you only reading it if she is ready to show you.

deleted_user 02/04/2013

I would take her to a psychologist who is specifically trained to not ask leading questions but can get to the bottom of this. Something is wrong. She doesn't want to rat her father out and probably won't talk about it to you. Get her some assistance to find out specifically what is going on, regardless of what the culprit is.

deleted_user 02/04/2013

I agree with syndrome - take her to a child psychologist. If your husband objects then do it anyway.

deleted_user 02/04/2013

please don't wait too long to get her help, she feels like shes drowning

bluedragon41 02/05/2013

Child psychologist, right away.

deleted_user 02/07/2013

I suggest giving her a journal. One that she can both write and draw in. This will give her an outlet for anything bothering her and help her sort things out for herself.
Also if she is more comfortable with writing to you then maybe for now at least, thats how you should communicate with her. She may be feeling shame or guilt or any number of emotions that at her age are overpowering and difficult for her to express.
I would keep the journal a secret between the 2 of you so no one (her father) will look for it to use it in any kind of negative way. Maybe one with a lock on it and a special place to hide it?
I wish the best for you and your little one and I hope you get to the bottom of this soon.

strongmama12 02/12/2013

I really appreciate your insight! The problem I'm running into with therapists is that they want dad's approval for treatment. Our parenting plan states 'joint" He is not being very cooperative, so I don't know what's going to happen. Of course, I didn't reveal to him my suspicions and just told him it was about the divorce and to give her an outlet to talk about it. he said " i think she's resilient already" This is a major red flag for me.

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